Page 52 of Traitor

At the center of it all, a phoenix rises.

From the ashes.

From pain.

From betrayal.

From everything that tried to destroy me.

I walk out of the shop after the final session with my head held high, stronger than I've ever been.

Bones still crosses my mind sometimes. Late at night, when the world is quiet and my thoughts are too loud. I wonder if he ever thinks about me, if he ever regrets what he did. But the pain isn't sharp anymore. It doesn't cut as deep.

He wasn't worth my tears.

I won't be defined by what he did to me.

Or by what anyone did to me.

I am my own person now. And no one will ever take that away from me again.

12. Fallout

Part one

Bones

Iwatch as the FBI ransacks the clubhouse, tearing through our shit like rabid dogs. Drawers yanked open, furniture overturned, patches of drywall ripped out as if we're dumb enough to stash anything there. The fury in their movements is almost amusing. Almost.

They won't find a damn thing. We made sure of that.

Our inside guy gave us the heads-up before this shitshow even started. Told us Ely turned. No surprise there. A woman scorned is a dangerous creature. And I scorned the fuck out of her.

Pops is gonna have my balls for this mess.

I take a gulp from my water bottle and immediately scowl. Whiskey would be better, but apparently, I've been hitting it too hard these past weeks. I tried to explain to the brothers that my little episode — marching out of my room wearingnothingbut my cut, determined to get to Ely, like some deranged biker Winnie the Pooh — had nothing to do with the whiskey. Or the guilt rotting me from the inside out.

Definitely not the guilt.

Ghost had gotten in my head, planted the seeds of doubt I was trying like hell to ignore. And then the FBI warning hit, forcing me to postpone my plan to go to Ely. Too risky. The last thing I need is to walk into a federal setup and land my ass in a cell next to the Riders. But soon. Soon, I'll make my move.

The problem is, I don't even know where the fuck to start.

There are still so many missing pieces. But it's clear as hell I made a fucking mistake. A huge, horrible, shitty fucking mistake. Ghost screwed my head on straight with his long ass sermon. I don't know all the connections between Ely and the Riders, but I know she was treated like shit by them. And after the horrors that came out about Jinx, it's unimaginable to think that she would've voluntarily done anything for that fucker. Maybe they asked her to infiltrate us and she saw a way out for herself. She cut contact and the minute they got their hands on her again, they punished her for betraying them.

Maybe.

Or maybe I'm just reaching at straws to try to justify my own fucking shitty actions.

I can't even think about the brand I ordered to be tattooed on her skin. At least I put it on her arm, not her chest, where I almost had them place it. The forehead thing was just an empty threat. That has to count for something, right? RIGHT??

Fuck.

Where do I even begin to make this right?

The one woman I fell in love with, and I went fucking ape-shit on her. Onmywoman.

The brand is bad enough. But Jinx? Jinx is unforgivable. I can't even stomach the thought. How the fuck do I come back from that?

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