Page 170 of Traitor

I finally look at him again and continue.

"When I met you, I was stunned," I admit, my voice barely a breath. "I neverwantedto have sex until then. It was never my choice until you gave it to me. You asked me." My fingers twitch, remembering. "You were a light so goddamn bright, you blinded me. I came to you like a moth to a flame. And I got burned."

His jaw clenches. His eyes darken. He looks like he's in physical fucking pain, but I don't stop. He needs to hear this. I need to say it.

"I was afraid, Bones. Afraid of telling you my past. Afraid you'd judge me. That you'd be disgusted. I know now that I could have told you. That you wouldn't have judged me. That if I had been the one to come to you, you would've listened. But I didn't know that then. I was too inexperienced and still battling demons I didn't understand. And it still hurts," I whisper. "What you did."

His entire body tightens, his fists curling like he wants to beat himself bloody.

"Because I was yours, Bones." My voice cracks, but I don't look away. "And you hurt me."

His shoulders drop, his eyes mist over. He looks to the side and I can see him trying to control himself.

"I'm so fucking sorry. I...there are no fucking words," his voice is a rough whisper.

The silence between us is a living thing, stretching tight and sharp, ready to cut. I take a breath, push past the lump in my throat.

"I won't say it's okay, because it's not. It never will be. But I want to move forward. I can't keep living in the past. I was his captive for those five years, and I've remained his captive for the last four, almost five. I can't keep doing it. I can't give him that power over me anymore."

My fingers tremble when I reach up and touch his face, just the lightest brush, barely there. His breath shudders out, the contact is too much, too little. Everything.

"And you..." My eyes lock onto his, into that storm brewing just for me. "I don't know if I can ever forgive you completely. There's no rage inside me anymore, but there's still pain. But there's also memories. Of all the good. And I don't want to look back and regret you."

His eyes go wild.

"Regret is worse than anger," I continue. "You can let anger out, but regret... it festers. And I don't want to go from an overfull shell to an empty one. So I want to try. I want to see if there's a chance. For us."

"I want to see if one day, I can look at you and not remember that night at all." I swallow hard. "That night will never disappear. But maybe... maybe we can create enough good to overpower it."

His hands find my waist, gripping me like I'm something fragile and breakable, like he's terrified to hold on too tight and even more terrified to let go.

"Temper," he whispers, my name like a prayer.

His forehead touches mine, his hands flexing on my waist, his whole body trembling as if he's barely keeping himself from falling apart. I close my eyes, let myself feel this moment.

I don't know where we'll go from here. I don't know if we'll ever get back to what we were. But for the first time in years, I want to find out.

"But!" I break the moment, stepping back from him and looking into his eyes. He needs to understand this. "We start slow. Really slow. No stalking. No forcing your way into my life. I'll come to you. Got it, creeper?"

His eyes are so wide, so fucking reverent, that I almost start laughing. I grin, watching his expression shift when I add, "You can start sending me those text messages again. I'm actually curious when you're gonna run out of ideas for all those reasons."

His breath stutters. He can't believe what the hell he's hearing. A smile slowly stretches on his face. "I'll never run out of ideas, baby. Never."

I shake my head, still smiling. Then his arms are on me again, gripping my waist. His voice is raw, barely a whisper. "I never thought I'd hear those words coming from you. That you'd ever be open to trying again. We can take it as slow as you want, Temper. I'll wait forever. As long as you need, baby. I'll always wait for you."

My heart feels so fucking light, I swear it floats.

I lean back slightly, smirking up at him. "I want to eat my chocolate now."

31. Silk

Bones

It's been three days since my talk with Temper, and impatience is riding me hard. But I'm keeping my cool. Waiting for her, just like I promised. She said she'd contact me first when she's ready. She already gave me more than I ever fucking hoped for. Breathed new life into me. Now I just have to hold steady and not go looking for her like some desperate asshole.

In the meantime, I have to deal with this Italian pain in the ass sitting across from me.

Luca Romano is in my office, arms crossed, expression fucking incredulous, like he can't believe the words that just came out of my mouth. I don't think I've ever seen him speechless before. It's kind of entertaining.

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