Page 142 of Traitor

She watches me carefully, waiting.

I look away, my arms crossing over my chest like a shield. "Yes." The word tastes like defeat. "It helped for a while. But then... I don't know. It's like that hunger is never satisfied. I keep waiting for the relief to last longer. For it to be enough."

Dr. Monroe nods slowly. "That's because revenge isn't about healing, Temperance. It's about power. Control. You were powerless years ago, and taking your revenge was a way of reclaiming that control. But pain, whether it's inflicted on us or by us, doesn't just disappear. You've spent almost five years surviving on the need for retribution, but have you actually faced the grief underneath it?"

My jaw tightens. I don't answer.

She leans forward slightly. "What happened to you wasn't just betrayal. It was a death. The death of trust. The death of who you were before that night. The death of love. Of you and Bones. And when something dies, there's grief. In the years that you came to me before, not once have you allowed yourself to grieve, Temperance. You were always resistant to talking about your anger. Have you just been burning everything in your path, hoping the fire will somehow bring you peace?"

Silence. Then, my voice, quieter. "I don't know how to grieve something like this."

Dr. Monroe softens, but she doesn't let up. "Then maybe that's where we should start."

She lets that settle before continuing. "Now, let's talk about Bones."

I flinch at his name.

"He's back, and despite everything, despite the scars — yours and his — he's trying to be in your life again. You're angry, but you're also letting him in. Piece by piece. Why do you think that is?"

I let out a sharp breath, dragging a hand through my hair, my fingers gripping at the strands like I can pull the frustration right out of my skull. "Because I don't fucking know what to do with him." My voice is raw. "He makes me furious. He makes me want to scream. And then he does something. Something stupid, like finding me a flower or remembering my favorite candy, and I... I forget for a second. I hate him."

Dr. Monroe doesn't even blink. "Do you? Or do you hate those moments when he makes you feel something other than anger?"

My fists clench. "Both."

She nods slowly, like she was expecting that answer. "That makes sense. You loved him once, Temperance. And love and hate aren't that different. They require the same mental energy. It would be easy to get confused. To forget for a second."

My throat tightens.

"What Bones did to you was awful." Her voice is steady, unwavering. "From what you told me, it seems he is trying to carry his guilt in a way that means something. He's wielding it like a weapon against himself. Maybe that's why you're so unsettled. Because you want to punish him, but he's already punishing himself."

The words slice through me.

"It's not enough." My voice is barely a whisper.

Dr. Monroe studies me. "Then what is? Will it ever be enough?"

I have no answer.

She lets the silence stretch, then speaks again. "You need to ask yourself something, Temperance. Do you want to let go of the anger? Or do you want to hold onto it because you don't know who you are without it?"

Something ugly twists inside me.

I don't know. I don't fucking know.

And then her voice drops lower. "And then there's Jinx."

Everything in me goes still.

"I can see it in your face. The fear. The rage. The exhaustion. You've lived for years thinking his punishment was set. And now, nothing is sure anymore. You want to see him suffer. But would that put a stop to your pain?"

I swallow hard. "I don't want him to exist anymore."

Dr. Monroe nods. "I know. And that's understandable. But do you want your inner peace, your mental wellbeing, to depend on someone else?"

My jaw locks. "No?"

Her eyes don't waver. "That's a question, not an answer. Temperance, you need to make sure you're the one in control of all of your emotions. Not the other way around."

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