Page 126 of Pick Me

“For what it’s worth,” Aster said as she pushed Jackson’s controller off the coffee table, putting a drink for me in its place. My heart stung a little at the move. I didn’t want Jackson pushed away. He was mine and deserved a seat at the table. “I don’t think it was that bad.”

“You mean the concussion or the sprain?” I lifted my shoulder and grimaced, waiting for the pain to hit, only to remember, I couldn’t feel a thing. I was flying high on some pain medication, but even in this state, I knew I looked pretty banged up. I mean, come on, how the hell was I going to explain to my parents that I got injured because I was giving my roommate a blowjob while he was driving? I shivered at the thought, and as much as I didn’t want to, I knew I’d need to talk to Tanner about the optics of this.

Aster rolled her eyes. “No. The injuries are bad, and the way we found out how yougotthe injures was terrible, but you know, it isn’t as catastrophic as Tanner was making it out.” I glared at her, confused. “I just think he’s really stressed about everything. He’s not thinking straight.”

“You don’t have to vouch for my brother. He has every right to be angry with me.”

When the apartment door opened, my heart stilled. Would Jackson be walking straight? Would he be walking in at all? Tanner was the first person I saw. His jaw was clenched, his eyes stoney. I gulped, not knowing how to face him after all this. When the door opened farther, revealing my boyfriend’s wide frame, I sighed in relief. Calm. It definitely wasn’t the drugs this time. That tranquility could only be due to the man throwing me a boyish smile from across the room.

“Well, I’m happy to see you’re both alive,” I said, trying to make a joke. No one acknowledged it, which wasn’t new.

Tanner walked over to Aster, pulling her in for a long hug before kissing her on the forehead and holding her at his side.

“Tan Tan,” I whispered. He still looked exhausted, and I had so much I wanted to say to him. Nothing felt right. Nothing felt good enough for how much I’d screwed up.

He didn’t look me in the eyes when he said, “I just need a little time, Thea. Can you give me that?” I nodded, knowing if I said anything else, I could make things worse. The important thing was he was acknowledging me and he hadn’t killed my boyfriend.

He rubbed Aster’s side, bringing her attention to him. “Come on, I need to get some sleep.” Aster followed him down the hallway to his bedroom without saying another word.

Really? That was it?

No anger? No yelling at me? I’d seen him more passionate about theBaseball Bachelorpicking the wrong contestant. Wasn’t he supposed to be watching me for forty-eight hours? I thought he’d relish in the protector role.

Tears prickled at the back of my eyes, knowing his indifference could only mean one thing. I’d fucked up more than ever before. Never had Tanner treated me like that, and it hurt my soul in ways I couldn’t describe. My twin. My best friend. The only person who stood up for me when the shit really got bad. He didn’t even want to look at me anymore.

“Thea.” It was like Jackson’s voice was the breaking of the dam, and tears spilled down my cheeks. He made his way over to me, his hands wrapping around me and pulling me close. I dropped my head onto his shoulder, taking in the warm feeling of being connected to him.

“Why can’t I do anything right?” My voice trembled as I said the words. It was the first time I’d acknowledged it out loud. In my head, I could push it away into the dark recesses of my mind and not let it get to me. I couldn’t run away from it now.

“He’ll come around.” Jackson’s words were supposed to be comforting. I got that. I just didn’t feel it. Did I even deserve to be comforted? After what I did?

“Easy for you to say. He talked to you. He won’t even look at me. He’s finally realized I’m a fuckup; always fucking up at the wrong time. I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do to make it better. I’m a terrible person.”

Jackson pulled me away from his chest, looking me in the eye. “Don’t say that, Pyro.”

I shook my head—ignoring the dizziness which came along with it—and wiped my cheeks. “No. You don’t get to comfort me when I’m the one who caused this. Every time something good happens to Tanner, I’m right there, dragging him down and fucking things up for him. He never has a chance at being happy or enjoying his own accomplishments, because I’m always quick to make everything about me.”

My stomach sank like it was weighed down with stones, my throat tightened, and my vision blurred at the edges. It was the truth. The dark insidious thoughts I always had; I just never had the guts to say them out loud until I had someone I trusted to hear them.

I tried to drop my head, but Jackson’s big palms caught my cheeks before I could. His deep eyes took me in. “Hey. Don’t say those things.”

“Why not? They’re true.”

“They aren’t, and I hate hearing you talk like that about the person I love most in this world.”

He gently kissed my lips, letting the words sink in as my vision started to clear.

My brows crossed, and I shook my head. “No. You can’t love me. I’m—I’m—”

Terrible. Pathetic. An attention seeker. A pick-me…

All the things ran through my mind, but none made it out of my mouth since Jackson finished the sentence for me.

“The most incredible woman I’ve ever met. You’re headstrong and know your own mind. You aren’t going to let anyone tell you what to do, and you don’t care about what they think. Not that you need to. You’re better than anyone I’ve ever met. You have a strength I’ve never seen before. The only person getting in the way of your success is you since you can’t see what I see.”

My shoulders slumped. It felt impossible to push back on him even though I really wanted to.

“You may not have everything mapped out like Tanner, but I love the path you’re carving for yourself. And as long as you’ll have me, I’ll be right there beside you every step of the way. I love you, Thea. Quirks and all.”

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