Page 18 of Fluttering Heart

“You don’t wanna know. Let’s just get back to where we were before.” He brings a knee up to the mattress with the lube in his hand, and I take it and drag him until he’s lying on top of me, chest to chest, nose to nose.

“We’ll get back to that, no question about it, but please tell me?” I beg. “I feel like I did something wrong, or like you’re uncomfortable with me now. Please tell me so I can fix it.”

“Damn you,” he mutters but his eyes soften. “All right, but promise me we’re still going to have sex after please?” Now he’s the one begging, and I don’t mind the look on him at all.

“Promise,” I whisper. And it’s possibly the easiest promise I’ve ever made.

CHAPTER 10

Lou

I closemy eyes tightly and take a deep breath. That I let out through my nose, since I don’t want to blast Finn in the face with my breath.

“Okay, so.” God, this is humiliating.

Part of me loves that Finn even realized something is wrong. I mean, how much attention is he paying to me to notice something I was trying so hard to hide?

A lot, that’s how much.

But I really hate talking about this, and every single time I’ve tried—because I’ve never actually succeeded in having an open, honest conversation about my shitty relationships—men have always bailed.

There haven’t been many of them, mainly because they always bail, but yeah...

“In the past.” I decide to begin there. I think it’s a good starting point.

“Will you look at me?” he asks softly and I can’t deny him. I mean, his arms are tight vines around me, keeping me trapped, but it’s more than that. I know that if I push it, he’ll let me go, and that just makes me more determined to be open with him.

So I open my eyes. And in his dark ones I see patience and... care. He cares about me, somehow I know that deep in my bones, and in that moment it strikes me that I already care about him too.

“In the past.” I start again but this time my words have more strength. “It’s been made very clear to me that unless I... perform, let’s say, with penetrative sex, I’m not worth the time or the effort.”

Finn’s quiet, at least his voice is, but his face tells another story. Nostrils flared, jaw tight, eyebrows drawn together, and a storm in his eyes—he looks like a warrior.

My warrior.

My heart flutters at the picture he makes, and it’s inevitable that I scoot up and press my lips softly to his.

“It’s okay, Finn. I’m okay.” I don’t know why I feel the need to say those words, but I’m glad I do when he seems to relax. His arms also loosen—even if it’s just a little—around my middle.

“I know you’re okay, you’re strong.” I scoff at that. “You clearly are,” he argues. “You’re here with me, a practical stranger, trying again after having those awful experiences. You’re strong, Lou, trust me.”

I don’t think I am. I don’t consider myself to be strong, but I let it go.

“Anyway, it just brought up a lot of things when I couldn’t find a condom and I thought we couldn’t have sex, and I just didn’t know how you would react.” I realize then that he could take that as an insult and I panic at the thought. “Not that you’ve given me any reason to believe you’d react badly, but?—”

“Hey, hey,” he soothes and rubs his arms up and down my back. “I know what you mean. You barely know me, it’s fine, cutie.”

I like that he calls me that, so I kiss him again and he reciprocates with a slow, deep kiss as his hands keep moving, going lower every time.

The feel of his hands on my skin brings home the fact that we’re both naked, and I’m on top of him. I move a little and feel that he’s only semi-hard now compared to how he was before, but that has to be a good sign, right?

I get goosebumps from how good he feels against me, and I remember the urgency that sent me flying in search of supplies before. I need him. Right now.

“Lube,” I say, speaking right against his lips.

“Uh-uh,” he denies and I whine.

“Why not?” I demand, breaking the kiss.

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