Page 20 of Brace and Chase

Kelly and Michelle stayed over long after we’d had seconds and dessert and we just talked and talked.

I learned they’re both in their mid-thirties as well and have always been dancers—that’s how they met and fell in love—and how a handful of years back they left New York to come work here as choreographers.

It seems to me that they both love their job and it brings them as much joy as hockey brings me.

I feel a kinship with them immediately, and when they invite me to see one of their shows exactly two weeks after the first game of the season, I readily agree, and enjoy every second of the burlesque-style show.

I stare slack-jawed at the dancers and singers for most of it. What they do is one of the most impressive things I’ve ever seen.

It’s like a circus but somehow more impressive because it’s so much more entertaining.

One dancer especially steals my attention from the moment he steps on stage. He’s tall, I don’t know exactly how tall, but taller than average. He has blond hair that’s kind of long, and it’s clear even though he’s wearing a lot more clothes than the rest of the dancers that he’s absolutely ripped. And still, his every movement is graceful and almost... delicate. Precise.

I don’t know why, but I’m transfixed by the way he moves, and when he turns sharply and faces the audience with a ferocious glare—playing the part of scorned lover perfectly—I audibly gasp.

I feel my cheeks warm from embarrassment over my dramatic reaction, but the dancer just reminded me so clearly of Brotnik that I can’t unsee it after that.

And the worst thing of all is that I still can’t stop staring.

NINE

SANTA

End of November

Laney callsa time out and I grit my teeth as my line moves in tandem to the bench. I don’t know why but this whole game has been more aggravating than any other this season—yes, even more than the season opener—and the first period isn’t even over yet.

Okay, maybe I do know why.

We’re playing against Carolina, a team Heart has played against so often over his career that he knows basically everything there is to know about them since they’re in the same division as his former team.

I had to listen this morning as Laney demanded he tell us everything he thought we should know about them, and then I had to listen to Heart talk to the whole team for about an hour.

I can’t fucking deny that he had some amazing tidbits on most of the players. Most of all he knew the tells of the forwards and the weaknesses of the goalie, but we shouldn’t need more than that to win.

We’re only fifteen minutes in and we’re already winning two-zero, so I guess ithaspaid off.

Laney tells us what he wants us to do for the next two minutes until he calls up the first line, and I tell myself to follow his orders.

I can’t afford to get on his bad side, not that Iwantto, but sometimes I just wanna smash my fucking hand through a wall at the thought of Charlie Heart being part of the first line ofmyteam, at the thought that he’s even on my team.

But Laney hasn’t forgiven me for slamming Heart against the wall at the season opener almost two months ago, and I can’t blame him for that. I know it was out of line. Iknow that.

I’m still not a hundred percent sure why I did it, though. I think I went into some kind of trance or a skewed version of fight or flight, who the fuck knows, but the end result was the same.

I fucked up.

Since then I’ve kept my head down and my mouth shut.

It wasn’t that hard at first. I was glad to see Heart keeping his distance from me during the first three weeks of the season. Our cubbies being next to each other meant that I couldn’t avoid him sometimes—though I did my fucking best—but something changed at the start ofNovember when he startedsmirkingat me whenever I caught his eye.

It’s fucking infuriating, and worst of all, no matter how much I ignore him or how obvious I make my hate for him, he always greets me. He wishes me a good game, he tells me goodnight when he leaves, and then he’s fucking back the next day with his stupid smirk on his stupid face.

Regardless of how many times I ignore him, he just keeps doing it.

I hate it the most when the dimple on his left cheek shows because it makes him look harmless, and he’s the furthest thing from fucking harmless.

Thanks to him all of my teammates look at me differently now. Thanks to him I can no longer be myself with the only family I have left. Because he’s just alwaysthere. I feel like a caged animal, surrounded on all sides.

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