Page 69 of Brace and Chase

“You need someone to talk to,” Kelly says, walking over with three mugs that have steam coming out of them. Thetantalizing smell is everything I didn’t know I needed at this moment. I see she added six tiny marshmallows for each of us.

“Thank you,” I whisper as I reach for my mug. “And yes, I just need someone to talk to, and you guys are my closest friends here, so...”

I trail off, hoping that didn’t sound insulting, because I didn’t mean it to. I consider myself lucky they ever bothered with me in the first place.

Inviting me to their show more than a few times since I’ve been here, going to my games whenever they’ve been able to and cheering on me from the stands... they really are great supporters.

I realize at that moment that I haven’t told them any of this, and if my head wasn’t such a mess I would do it right now, but I do promise myself that I’ll tell them soon.

“We’re here,” Michelle says, her gaze steady and sharp, her hand still holding mine.

Kelly nods, her small smile tender. “You go ahead and start talking, sweetie. It looks like you need it.” I snort at her honesty.

“Two weeks ago I kissed a man for the first time in my life.”

Both react the same way. Leaning in, eyebrows well into their foreheads, and mouths slightly parted. I guess that means I should keep talking?

“I’m pretty sure he’d never kissed a man either,” I start slowly, thinking about every word before saying it. “Thenhe kissed me back a day later. And it was...” How do I even explain that kiss?

“Yes?” Kelly asks, eyes alight.

“It was awesome,” I admit and look down. “It was possibly the best kiss of my life and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, but then I went away for the roadie and I figured...” I pause to think more carefully, but then I sigh and give them just enough information so they’ll understand the situation. “You guys know I got benched, and that’s a whole other story.”

“But you were put back in,” Michelle reminds me, eyebrows scrunched in confusion. I don’t blame her, I know I’m not making a lot of sense to them.

“Yes.” I nod. “And right now, even though I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the kiss, now that I’m back, it feels like I should do something about it, you know? But I’m still on thin ice when it comes to my spot on the team, and I don’t want to jeopardize that.”

“Have you talked to him?”

I take a moment to debate whether I’m really about to tell them... but no. I can’t.

“Yeah, we’ve been talking while I was away,” I hedge.

I feel like shit for how I phrased that because it’s pretty much a lie, but I also know outing people is a serious business, and in my book, a big no-no.

I have no clue how Nikolay would want me to handle this, but I can’t tell them who it is unless I do.

“What have you been talking about?” Kelly asks, andleans her chin on her closed fist, looking as locked into the conversation as humanly possible.

“Mostly hockey,” I admit. That’s not technically a lie.

“So you want to kiss him again and maybe do more?” Michelle surmises.

“Yes, definitely more,” I can’t help but agree vehemently.

“Do you really think he’d be such a distraction?” Michelle’s still frowning. “I mean, you’ve been amazing the last few games. Even against fucking Boston.”

“But what if he’s different now that I’m here?” I ask desperately.

“What if it’s not?” Kelly offers with a soft smile. “What if you keep getting shit done at work and then let yourself find out what could be outside of it?”

Like a lightbulb coming on in my brain, her words give me the best way to approach things with Nikolay.

“Thank you,” I tell them urgently and stand. I’m walking out of the room before I remember my manners. “You guys are the best and I promise to come back to take you up on that hot cocoa.”

“And to tell us what happens,” Michelle shouts, but I’m already running out the door.

I seeheadlights illuminate the front windows soonerthan I thought, and I’m not ready yet, but I guess having twenty more minutes before we eat will be good.

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