Page 52 of Brace and Chase

I feel happy.

Not the only things I’m feeling of course, since we still have huge issues to combat—and that list will grow to infinity if we keep making out—like Gab being mean, and Laney benching us... and being mean.

I feel like myself for the first time in months and it’s fucking awesome. It makes me want to jump up, so I do. Right there by the stove, with the blender spinning as fast as it can, I jump and whoop for no reason other than I feel like it.

It’s kind of a miracle.

The old Santa isback.

“They haveto let us go on the roadie, right?” Charlie asks as he plates the orgasmic-looking lasagna.

“Uh-huh,” is all I can manage as my mouth waters. I don’t even feel bad about not processing a word he’s saying.

I’m fucking hungry.

The shake didn’t do much to fill me up and I’ve been smelling this gift from the gods for more than an hour. Charlie snapped at me more than a few times for trying to taste-test the ragu, and then the bechamel, and then the salad he forced me to prepare.

There was a lot of snapping and a lot of him looking at me like I was an alien.

I get it, he’s not used to me like this since he’s never seen me like this. But soon enough he won’t even remember grumpy Santa.

“I’m going to talk more about the kiss if you don’t pay fucking attention to me, Nikolay.” His stern tone doesn’t pry my attention away from the plates. I’ll just keep staring at the food until I’m able to eat it. “I don’t think you’re demi,” he says casually, and that does get me to look up. Damn him.

“Why not?” I demand. I figured last night I’m probably not, but after that kiss... I mean, what other explanation is there?

“Because before you understood I’m not a scumbag you couldn’t care less about me.” He seems so unbothered by it all. Like it’s just another day of the Charlie Heart life doing Charlie Heart things.

“I get that,” I say slowly. “But after that kiss I don’t know if I can trust anything I thought I knew about myself.”

He smirks, pure self-satisfaction in his face.

“I’m that good, huh?”

I snort, shake my head, and decide that focusing on the food again is the way to go here. I like this side of Charlie—playful, a little cocky, but still maintaining his soothing calmness.

I slice the corner of my piece of lasagna with the side of my fork, and when I get that first taste, I can’t keep themoan of ecstasy in. My eyes close with the intensity of it. It’s the best fucking thing I’ve ever put in my mouth.

“Yeah, I’m that good,” Charlie says with satisfaction, but I just ignore him in favor of taking in this religious experience to the fullest.

We eat in silence for a few minutes, and I’m grateful for them. My head is full ofwhat ifsandfeelings, so taking just a little while to enjoy something else is exactly what I need.

When I do feel like talking, I definitely don’t want to open the can of worms that is my messed up head. Instead I go for what is somehow a safer topic for me.

“I think they’re going to let us play sooner rather than later,” I say at length. Charlie looks at me thoughtfully.

“Really? You think the team is better off with us on the ice than off?” The skepticism isn’t lost on me, so I lean back in my chair and make sure he can see in my eyes just how serious I am.

“Now that I don’t want to throttle you, yes.”

He doesn’t say anything to that. I don’t know if it’s because he doesn’t believe me or what, but he goes back to eating and focuses fully on his plate. I feel like I need to saysomething, though. Like I have to get him to believe in us.

“I think the team needs to win today, so we don’t have the worst roadie ever.”

He stops chewing for only a second, so I know he’s listening even if he doesn’t react in any other way. I struggle to come up with the right words to explain myself, but afterhesitating for way too long, I make my peace with using the words I have.

“Iwantthe team to win tonight,” I clarify. “Even if it’s without us. We have to show them that we’re there for them, Charlie. Always. We have to show up tonight andbethere. I have no way of knowing for sure if they’re taking us on the roadie, but I think it’s better for the team if we’re there instead of them wondering whether we’ve killed each other for the next two weeks.”

He leans back and finally looks up.

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