Page 41 of Brace and Chase

Oh, who the fuck cares how long the damn thing lasted? The important thing is, I didn’t pull away and—gulp—I didn’t not like it.

I down the huge mouthful of vodka in one go. It doesn’t help.

All I can do is think back on exactly how it happened.

I pushed and pushed him, antagonized him, said things I know aren’t true, and for what? To get a rise out of him? To have a reason to fight with him?

There’s always been a reason.

And with that the anger creeps in and settles right in place. Before it can grow and explode, though, my phone buzzes in my pants pocket and I see it’s Jules.

“Is it true?” he demands, and I have to shut my eyes tightly at the disappointment in his voice. I assume he’s talking about being benched, and not the kiss since there’s no way he could know aboutthat.

“Yes.” I tell him simply.

There’s silence for ten seconds and then a simple command.

“Come to my house.” It’s an order, not a suggestion.

The line goes dead and I look at the bottle of vodka, seriously debating whether I should take another drink or not, then shake my head and screw it closed.

I’m for sure taking it with me to Charlie’s house, but if I want to be able to drive I can’t drink any more right now.

With that, I start packing. Deciding that taking the picture of my parents which is always on my nightstand isn’t embarrassing, I throw that into the suitcase too. Everything else takes me less than ten minutes, thanks to Caro who always has my closet looking impeccable and my bathroom organized.

I stuff it all into the passenger seat of my Vanquish and then drive to Jules’s place, which is a bit further away than Charlie’s but who the fuck cares. It’s not like I have a curfew.

As far as I’m concerned, the wholenot leaving each other’s sidething starts tomorrow.

“Come in,”Jules tells me in a clipped tone I’ve never heard from him before—not directed at me at least.

He leads me to the living room where I find Bear as well. So this is officially a berating they’re about to give me.

I decide I don’t really feel like hearing all of that, so I nip that thing in the bud.

“Yes, Charlie and I are benched for at least a game. It will not be two if we manage to prove to Laney, Barlow, and Gab that we are no longer going to act like imbeciles. Yes, I know you are all very disappointed in me, and I am sorry. I am trying to fix it, I promise.”

I look from Bear’s brown eyes to Jules’s green ones, then back again while I speak. Sadly, when I’m done, I realize my words didn’t decrease their anger.

“This isn’t a fucking joke, Nikolay,” Jules snaps at me, and I actually flinch. He’s never called me fucking Nikolay. In the last seven years since my parents died, only Charlie has done it, which I preferred to him calling me Santa because that would’ve meant he’s actually part of my team.

“I know it’s not a joke,” I snap back. I know they have the best of intentions and they more than likely have their own feelings on it all, but right now I need something else from them, something more complicated.

What evenisthe protocol in a situation like this?

I have no fucking clue if Charlie is queer. I mean, I haven’t heard him say anything to Jules—who would be the man to tell if there was something to say—but that doesn’t mean anything.

We’re the only team in the league who has out players as far as I know, and fuck, is that why Charlie came to the Pirates?

To finally be able to be himself?

Once more, shame fills me at the thought that thanks tome he hasn’t been able to connect with anyone on the team. And if that was his one goal in coming here...

I shove that ugly-ass feeling away. I’ve got no patience for shame.

I just accept what is—that Charlie is probably queer—and move on. I’m simply not going to say it’s Charlie. And I won’t be able to tell them about how much I hate the person who kissed me, but that’s fine, it’s not really relevant to my side of it.

After they tell me how the fuck I should proceed, I’ll go to Charlie’s house and ask him what the fuck is going on once and for all. If anything, he has to know that I won’t hate him for being queer.

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