Page 40 of Brace and Chase

He grumbles again, something I don’t catch and can’t be bothered to ask about.

“What do I do about Brotnik?”

A deaf person could hear how defeated I feel in my tone.

“You have to apologize,” he says simply, once more sounding like my level-headed, no-bullshit role model.

“I know that,” I say, squirming even though he can’t see me. “But like, how?”

“You know how to apologize, Charlie.” There’s infinite patience in his tone, and this is why I called him. “Kissing someone out of anger is never the right way to go about things.” There’s a beat of silence and then... “Are you... do you...” His hesitation surprises me, and it has me worried. He clears his throat and finally gets it out. “Do youwant to talk about the fact that he’s a man?” He’s so careful about it that it makes me want to laugh. I hold it in, though, because I’m touched, really.

“I don’t think I need to, if I’m honest. I mean, I’m confused as fuck, not gonna lie, since I’ve never wanted to kiss a man before, but...”

I trail off, not knowing how to finish. He gives me the time and space to do it, though. Another reason why I chose him as counselor today.

“Did you think about kissing him before? I mean before today?”

I think about it seriously and come up blank.

“Not really. I’m pretty sure my brain and my body got disconnected. Even when I was kissing him I didn’t think about it.”

“Well, it’s not something you have to think about beyond apologizing to him. Though if you’re thinking of doing it again, then maybe do it when you’re not about to beat the crap out of each other, huh?”

I chuckle, feeling the knot inside my chest start to come loose.

“Yeah, that sounds like great advice. Thank you.” I hope he hears the seriousness in my voice. I hope he knows how much I truly appreciate him.

“And you should also try harder to have a real conversation about why he hates you, Charlie.” There’s a sternness this time, one I remember from when I was young and he would babysit me. It makes me smile.

At the same time, I steel myself for another confrontation with Nikolay—who should be home any minute now—because not only do I have to apologize for kissing him, but I know now that before I ask him again why he hates me, I need to tell him the truth of why I’m here.

FIFTEEN

SANTA

“Fuck,”Charlie says again. This time, though, he doesn’t shout.

From my frozen position I see him cover his eyes, and after a long moment he peeks at me again, then he turns and seems to try his hardest to yank out his hair.

“I’m going home,” I say, when my mouth works again, then I decide it’s a great fucking idea.

He turns around, eyes wide and panicked.Yeah, I need to be away from here—from him—to process this.

“Yes.” I nod once. “I need to get my things and then I’ll come back.”

With that said, I spin on my heels and leave as fast as I can.

The ride to the strip is a blur. My thoughts are all jumbled together and the only things I can think about are what’s right in front of me—changing lanes, taking the exitoff the highway, stopping and going at a red light, driving down into the garage of the Winner resort and parking.

It’s only when I’m in my room, pouring myself a tumbler of Vodka, that it dawns on me.

Charlie,a man, kissed me.

Right on the lips.

And I didn’t pull away.

He kissed me for at least twenty seconds, I think...

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