Page 140 of Brace and Chase

“You’re thirty-three,” she murmurs. “I know you never want to retire. Everyone around here has heard you say it a million times. If it were up to me, you’d never leave the building.” She looks up then. “But it’s not up to me, and it never should be. You’ve had an amazing career, and I’m doing my fucking best to make sure in your last years you get all the wins you can handle. But don’t you want to go out on your terms? Don’t you want to make sure you’re still fit and strong and able to live a full life after?”

“That’s not your decision to make,” I mutter through gritted teeth.

“Maybe not. But I do want all of that for you. I want you to go out on top. I don’t want you to have to give up your skates because of something like taking a puck to the head. Don’t you see? That can happen in any given game.” She leans forward and her eyes beg me to listen to her. “You might never have gotten up after that, Santa,” she says reasonably.

“So what, you went behind my back and got Charlie here because you love me so much and want what’s best for me?” I ask, my tone betraying that I think that’s preposterous.

“Yes,” she cries and slaps her desk. “Last year you played the last three games of the finals with four broken ribs, Santa. Do you realize how dumb that is? Then I found out, only because your fucking lawyer contacted me, that you were applying for citizenship and needed me to sign a bunch of things to help make the process smoother. I knew right then that like it or not, you were thinking about life after hockey. Because you’d finally understood that if you wanted to stay here you were going to need that citizenship. I thought bringing Charlie here would be another push in the right direction, that it would make you realize that retirement isn’t the end of the world. ”

I frown at that.

Because I do know it’s not the end of the world.

I do . ..

Now, a voice whispers from the back of my head.I know that now because I have Charlie.

And that hits me like a ton of bricks.

“So, why did you bench me?” I ask, desperate to change the subject, I can’t focus on any of the other shit she said because that’s all over and done with.

“Because you lost your shit on the ice when Charlie went down,” she shouts and throws her hands up. “I thought it would be good to give you some time to cool off, and it would help you remember what you should and shouldn’t do on the fucking ice.”

“And why didn’t you just tell me?” I demand.

“Because you’d already given me the death stare before when I saw you in the gym. You weren’t going to hear anything I had to say.”

“That’s not true,” I snap. “Jules was fucking mad at you, and I mean really mad. I had to calmhimdown after we heard the news. And then you send us Timmy without any kind of warning. I thought you were trading me away!”

Her face falls then.

“No, no, no. Santa, that’s not what I wanted you to think. I would never trade you,” she says quickly, speaking so fast that I almost can’t understand her.

“Well, after hearing from Charlie that you wanted him to convince me to retire, how was I supposed to know that?” Now I’m the one throwing my arms in the air.

“God, this is such a mess.”

“You think?” I deadpan.

“Oh, shut it. I made a mistake, you don’t have to rub it in,” she mumbles.

With that, all the tension drains from me, and I laugh.

It starts out slow, but soon enough I’m clutching my stomach and bending over. Gab shakes her head at me, amusement clear in her eyes.

“You done?” she asks, rolling her eyes, a few minutes later.

“Yes.” I wipe a tear from my eye and stand. “I think I am.”

“You need to go tell the team now.” I lose the smile, and the good mood. “Oh, relax. They’re going to be fine with it.” She waves a hand carelessly.

“I haven’t told them anything,” I confess.

“They’ll understand,” she assures me. I nod because what else can I do besides face the music?

“What happened?” Charlie asks as soon as I step out of Gab’s office. I don’t stop, but just keep going until we’re at the elevator.

“She explained why she did everything.”

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