Page 93 of Worlds Collide

I put my phone away after declining the call, and nudge Pres to get back to work.

I have to say, my life is ninety-nine percent perfect.

I do miss Wolf, and I wish he was here, but I do understand why he needs this time away. Besides, I saw firsthand that it’s not easy for him either, so that makes it hurt just a little bit less.

Adam’s updates—which have become less and less hostile as the weeks go by—help too.

I’m doing my best to catch up with all the other residents in my year, but with how much time I’ve spent away, it’s unlikely I’ll be at their level any time soon. Though Dr. Yang tells me he’s happy with me, I know that I’ll have to put in extra work for the next three years so I can pass the Board Certification in general surgery in time to start my fellowship in pediatrics.

But that can all be done easily enough as long as I don’t miss any more time.

For all of March and April I keep my head down, do the work, go home and hang out with Gracie, occasionally see Derek and Hawk when they come to the city for whatever reason, and just settle into my life.

I hang out more with my coworkers outside the hospital—some dinners, drinks after work on a few especially hard days, and we start getting together for study sessions twice a week on our off days.

Wolf is never far from my mind. Not only because Adam and Carter seem to like him more every day, but because almost everything outside the hospital reminds me of him.

The ocean? I picture him playing tennis at the ranch with the Pacific laid out behind him.

Boats? I remember our time at Lake Como.

Big black cars? I remember his car and Rich driving it.

Beds? Yeah . . .

I do miss the sex, not gonna lie, and though there’s been some not-subtle-at-all probing from Hawk and Gracie, I can’t even picture myself hooking up with another person—man or woman.

Wolf is the only person in my mind, and I know I could resent that.

I could be mad about him promising to come back for me a year after leaving. I could be offended that he just expected me to wait—but he didn’t.

He saidunless there’s a ring on your finger.

I can’t imagine he’d be okay with me being in a relationship while he’s away—and I’d be pretty miffed if he didn’t care to be honest—but he never told me he expected me to be celibate or not to date.

Unless I find someone I want to marry—hardly probable since I’ve never considered that before with anyone—Wolf is going to “conquer” me. And that just makes me happy. It gives me peace of mind.

I need to wait. I need to work on myself too, and hope that Wolf feels safe enough in a year to come back.

The days startto blur one into the next until before I know it, it’s May, and I’m at a fancy restaurant celebrating Hawk’s birthday.

“We’re flying over tomorrow,” Hawk tells me quietly after I congratulate him and can’t help but look around. “He’s notcoming,” he explains. My body deflates no matter how much I try to stop it from doing so. “Sorry,” Hawk mumbles and looks away.

And now I feel like shit.

“Hey, don’t worry about it at all.” I do my best to sound convincing. “I’m happy to be here and celebrate with you. Thanks for inviting me.”

“Of course I’d invite you, you’re my bro—” He cuts himself off before he can get the words out. Good, because that would’ve been too much. And weird. And inaccurate. “My friend. You’re my friend.”

“Yeah, I am.” I smile softly at him then move along to greet everyone else. I really don’t think that conversation was going anywhere good so best we stop while we’re ahead.

The oppressive weight of missing Wolf is sharpest in that moment, but I get through the night, and I do it with a smile.

It feels a bit cruel, though, when the next day, I receive a picture from Hawk. It’s Wolf, leaning against the railing of the roof or terrace of some tall building in Manhattan, looking to the side.

His hair is longer, hanging past his ears now, and his sharp jaw and those serious lips are pressed tightly. His arms are crossed like always, and the black leather jacket fits tightly around his slightly bigger biceps.

It’s mouthwatering and after I jack myself off furiously it doesn’t seem as cruel. Not until the next day, when I feel the emptiness again.

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