Page 87 of Worlds Collide

My plan relied on having to apologize to him through a door that he would’ve slammed in my face.

I’ve been winging it ever since I came in, and although seeing him again is amazing—seriously, I can’t describe how great it is—I maybe got a little too carried away.

CJ is technically my ex, and I sure as fuck know that I wouldn’t particularly enjoy hearing about all his plans to move away from me. I’m not happy that I have to do this in order to move forward with my recovery, it’s actually the only part I hate, but I know it has to be done, it has to happen.

I can’t bewithCJ and not get carried away. I’d fuse myself to him if he gave me the go-ahead. The man is too good, and with the help of Adrian and Birdie, I realized that if I ever want the chancefor him to give me a real shot, I need to become a version of myself that’s good enough he’ll be happy to be with me.

All I want right now is to knock on the door he just closed and tell him I was kidding, that I’m going to stay right here and be his slave if that’s what he wants.

But the need to become someone who deserves him—someone whole and healthy and happy—is stronger. So I stay put, and I don’t move an inch until he comes back out a few minutes later. He looks totally fine, like maybe he just had to go to the bathroom real bad.

That could be the case, I suppose, but the problem is he won’t look at me when he sits back down.

“I wanted to give you this,” he says like it’s normal not to look at the person you’re talking to, and thrusts a sheet of paper at me. I recognize the style of handwriting the second I see it. “It’s something my mother wrote herself and even signed it. I thought that if you wanted to do anything about her threatening you—you know, legally—this would be useful.”

“Are you sure you’d be okay with that?” I ask, dubiously.

“Yes.” He does look up then, though only briefly at me. “They have to realize they can’t go around bullying people anymore, and they especially don’t have a say in who I decide to spend my time with. You can make as big or as little a spectacle from it as you want. It’s your choice.”

“Okay,” I say simply. I’m not sure right now what I’m going to do with that piece of paper, but what I do know, suddenly and wondrously, is that this man is not only too good for me. He’s probably the best man I’ve ever known. And he deserves the world. And he deserves love.

And I’m the one who’s going to give it to him.

I love him.

Simple as that and way too obvious for me to only realize it nowand not while I was talking about him non-stop in therapy for a month and a half.

I realize then what I have to do, and what I have to say.

“Thank you, CJ,” I whisper, and stand. “I need to go now, back to Malibu to finish packing up my things, but thank you for letting me come in and apologize.”

“Of course.” He stands too, but still won’t look at me. I decide it’s now or never, so I take two tiny steps forward and cup his cheeks. I tilt his chin and wait for him to look into my eyes.

“You got outed to the world because of me,” I whisper. I don’t know why my mouth decided to start with that, but I guess it’ll do. “And I got outed too—as an addict—because of being with you, so I’d say we’re square, you and me, right?”

“Yes,” he says just as quietly. “But it sucks that those things happened at all.”

“It does, but that’s the way it is. We can’t control it, or well, I guess we could if we never left our homes.” He only hums in response. “Now listen closely, little rich boy, because this part is important, okay?” His eyes widen at his nickname—the one I can’t bring myself to change because it’s our thing—but he nods and I know he’s listening intently. “Unless there’s a ring on your finger in one year, when I get back here, I want you to be ready for me to win you back. I’m going to do everything I can to make you mine.”

And okay, I might growl most of that last part, but CJ smiles. So big, so bright, that I can’t regret my gruffness.

“So you’re not a softie all of a sudden, huh?” he teases me and my world is in balance once more.

I want to kiss him more than anything at that moment, but instead I smile at him, and after taking in every detail of this moment, I lower my hands, step back, and then turn around to walk out without another word.

I said all I needed to say, and now... well, now I know I’m in love and I’m once again running away from?—

No. I’m not running away this time. It’s not the same at all.

I’m doing what’s right and putting in the work to give the CJ and Wolf of the future the best chance at real happiness.

If he waits for me.

The awful thought hits me on the ride down in the elevator.

He smiled though.

Should I have told him I love him?

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