Page 79 of Worlds Collide

I know, realistically, that it’ll happen someday. Maybe sooner than I’m ready for—for sure sooner—but that doesn’t mean I have to think about it. Ever.

Right now what I have to do is stop asking about updates on what CJ is doing. Stop thinking about him all together, and focus on getting better. Focus on rebuilding my life.

I know it’s a long shot, but I truly believe that if I can get him out of my head, I’ll finally be able to find the answers to all of my problems.

“You got your list?” Rich takes me out of my head, and right on time too, since he’s opening the door to the building.

“I do,” I tell him and pat my jeans pocket since that’s where I have the little notebook he gave me. It’s where all my ideas have been going all week—including a list of limits that I wrote down and then rewrote with Adrian’s help.

“You’ve got this,” he tells me and holds both my shoulders as he stares into my eyes.

“Yeah, I know,” I mumble and look away. I take a deep breath and go into Adrian’s office.

My eyes lock right onto my brother’s—same gray as mine—as I walk in and nod at Adrian. It’s only when I’m sitting in the armchair I prefer, that I turn to see Derek—his deep eyes looking worriedly at me.

I try to smile. I really do give it my best shot for his benefit.

It’s not his fault I didn’t anticipate the change in our friendship when they became husbands. It’s not his fault I resent that change.

“Hey,” he whispers and I nod at him, then turn back to look at my little brother, and he’s already got tears brimming in his eyes.

Ever since Mom passed he’s been the only person who’s kept me here. That’s being as honest as I can be. I’m not exaggerating when I say I know I would be dead if it weren’t for him.

Last time I was here I felt more shame than I even knew was possible. I felt that once before—that night decades ago when I wouldn’t stop teasing him and made him scream the house down, and Dad just lost it on Hawk.

I’d failed him. I’d almost died and would’ve left him without family, something I promised myself I wouldn’t do.

So last time, I couldn’t look him in the eyes, not even after I left Cove. It was only after we sang our lullaby on national television that I finally did it again.

Everything is different this time.

Because I’m still pissed.

Because he had no right—no fucking right making choices for me.

It all started back then with his decision to give an interview, so that the world wouldn’t find out I was in rehab. It was only after hiswedding that I realized how much that bothered me. And then I just kept seeing him happy in his marriage, happy with an amazing group of friends, happy in our ranch, happy watching Derek play, and happy being friends with CJ.

The fact that the idiot didn’t mention CJ had only been suspended was simply the metaphorical straw that broke the metaphorical camel’s back.

And now I’ll have to somehow say all of that to him. Without screaming and without shutting up the second he starts to cry.

“Why don’t we start?” Adrien asks and has me turning away from Hawk.

TWENTY-THREE

WOLF

“All right,”Derek says in a serious tone.

“Sure,” I agree quietly, and try to settle back on my seat and get comfortable. Sadly, the uncomfortable feeling is coming from inside, so no matter how much I shift in my seat it’s not going away.

“Hawk, why don’t we start with you?” Adrian smiles at my brother.

“Okay,” Hawk answers meekly, making me grind my molars in annoyance. It’s annoying because he’s a grown man for fuck’s sake—he should never sound that way—but also because it’s annoying how much I want to protect him.

Nothing is threatening him, there’s nothing to protect him from. He fucked up and he’s only acting this way because he wants to get out of this.

“Wolf told me you two fought two weeks ago, will you tell me your side of that, please?”

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