Page 77 of Worlds Collide

“Yes.”

Again, he’s merciless.

The rest of the session is hard, trying to make sense of what I want my relationship with my brother to be is impossible, since I have no idea what I want in any area of my life except the whole, you know, getting-sober thing.

I have a rough idea, though, of the limits I want to set with them, and of what I’m going to need to do once I’m out of here again.

Life would be a lot simpler if they’d just let me move in here... but I know from experience that the peace the structure brings will feel like shackles soon enough.

I go out to the garden, to the little patch that gets sun all day long which means the grass is always warm under me. I lie there and think, and think, and think.

If this is what it’s going to be like, then maybe I should’ve stayed in the fucking freezer because it’s going to drive me just as insane.

My eyes are closed but I can still tell when a shadow is suddenly on my face, so I open my eyes only for it to take a cool second to make out who the person is.

Rich.

Of course it’s Rich... He’s always been there for me, hasn’the? Even before my accident, when there was more of a distance between us, and we didn’t really talk, he was always there.

Five years ago, he stayed by me like glue when the news of Harley’s death came out. He didn’t let me be by myself, except when I was sleeping, for around six months if I remember correctly—which I probably don’t since that’s when I really started drinking.

He was even there nine years ago, when Mom lost her battle for good, and he and Tate didn’t leave Hawk and me alone for a long time. We postponed the tour back then, and managed to carve out three months so we could spend it at her place in Carmel. But Rich was always there...

I remember CJ’s words about our friendship, and I know I need to deal with it somehow. I don’t know if he can even stay my bodyguard if he’s the only true friend I’ve had all these years. Is that even ethical?

Well, first I should ask what he thinks and not just stare at him like I’m an idiot lying on the grass.

“Are we friends?” I blurt out the question like a real genius. Rich doesn’t bat an eye, though. He just snorts, then sits next to me, leans back on his palms and tilts his face to the sun.

“Yes, we’re friends,” he says simply.

“But you used to say all that shit about emotional distance and that’s why we couldn’t talk, and?—”

“Yeah well, that was before. Now I know that no matter how much I care about your ass, no one is going to do a better job protecting it.” His words are short, matter of fact, and I realize he might be feeling as vulnerable as I am.

“I agree,” I tell him simply and close my eyes again, then take a deep breath.Don’t be a coward again, Wolf. Just look the man in the eyes and thank him for fuck’s sake.I psych myself up, then sit, crossmy legs, and swivel around to look him straight on. “Thank you.” The rest of the words get lodged in my throat.

“For what?” he asks with a confused frown, looking down at me too.

“For saving my life. Both times.”

“It’s my job?—”

“The first time it was your job.” I agree with a nod. “I’ll give you that, but you could’ve tucked tail and run after seeing what a mess I could be, and that the biggest threat to my safety will always be me. But you didn’t. You stayed and you saved me again. So, thank you.”

His Adam’s apple bobs with a hard swallow and he nods stoically. “I’m glad I was there. More glad than you will probably ever know.”

“I’m starting to be happy that I’m alive,” I tell him, realizing it’s true as I say it. “So I think I do know, man.”

I clap him on the shoulder and he nods, then he turns to me with a thoughtful look.

“So, you’re not going to fire me?”

“The fuck?” I lean back. “What are you even talking about?”

“Because we’re friends and it’s not...” He trails off.

“Get that thought out of your head right now. The only way you’re leaving me is if you want to. Though...” I have to think about how to say it so it doesn’t sound too bad—something I almost never do. Most days I don’t care about how my words may affect others, and even though I don’t want to start tiptoeing around anyone again, it feels kinda nice. Caring.

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