Page 9 of Collisions and Decisions

I don’t want it to.

As I see him above me, as he keeps drilling into me, watching me laser focused as I jack off like my life depends on it, I realize I’ll probably always picture him, feel him, when I have sex.

And that’s when I come. I go blind with pleasure. I feel the sting in my throat, but honestly can’t hear the scream I let out. Then I feel his cock twitch as he keeps moving inside me, and I have to open my eyes.

I have to see his mouth go slack, his eyes roll back, his chest rise and fall with every breath.

And I realize, it’s worth it to never forget him. To never get over him.

It’s only sex, yeah. It’s also the best sex I’ve ever had, and I’ve had lots of it. It’s also a fact that nothing has ever felt as good as when, after slipping out of me, he cleans me up with a towel he got from the bathroom, lies down beside me, and pulls me close to his chest.

This . . . isn’t good.

FOUR

WYATT

“Oh my God,”Xander whispers, after minutes of nothing but our heavy breaths filling the room.

I was enjoying the moment of calm. My heart needed it, if I’m honest.

“Oh. My.God.” His words come out more like serious worry the second time, and I’m about to ask if I hurt him, but before I get the chance, he springs up and out of bed. “What the hell am I going to do?” He mumbles to himself and holds his head with both hands. He looks a little pale, and now I’m the one who’s really worried.

“Baby?” I ask.

He whirls around and looks at me with crazed eyes. I guess he doesn’t like me calling him that when we’re not having sex?

That’s a shame, honestly. I like calling him baby, I’ve never done that before. Honestly, I thought it was cheesy before I met Xander, but I guess he just brings it out in me.

“What do you mean,baby?” He turns and opens the top drawer of his dresser before I can even try to come up with something to say. “This is the worst thing ever. What am I going to do? I mean, this is my life we’re talking about. Think, Xander.” He pulls briefs up his thighs, then opens another drawer. “Justfucking think. I mean, if he tells me not to do it, then of course he can go fuck himself, right?”

I’m pretty sure he’s not talking to me. Which is good, because I seriously have no idea what he’s talking about. He doesn’t look pale anymore though. His outburst toward me brought color into his cheeks.

It looks good. Just as good as the slight redness looked on his ass after I gave him a handful of spanks. Maybe this isn’t the best moment to think about that.

Later, though. I can think about it later.

“Overgrown toddler. I know nothing about the guy. So, really? Am I really thinking about changing my whole life for some good dick?” I focus on his words again at the perfect moment.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa.” I need to stand for this. “You are not changing your life for me, Xander. What the hell?” He looks at me like I’ve lost my mind, then his gaze wanders down and I can actually see the moment he starts thinking about us having sex.

It’s cute. He’s cute. The cutest fucking thing in the world.

All riled up over who knows what, then, like a laser pointed in front of a cat, he loses his train of thought at the sight of my dick.

I love that he doesn’t want to run away from me because of my dick. That’s happened a few times, and it’s not really a nice feeling.

In any case, if what I think I’m hearing is what he’s thinking, this isn’t the moment for Xander to get distracted by my dick. I don’t want him to even think I’m trying to convince him to stop working by using my cock.

I don’t want to convince him of anything.

What I want is for him to give me a chance beyond sex.

I suppose it can be complicated, for sex workers. Dating, I mean. There’s plenty of assholes in this world who think sex work are cheaters by definition, or some other stupid thing. Idon’t think so, and my guess is Xander needs me to clarify it for him right now.

So I grab my jeans and put away the distraction.

Time for some old-fashioned adult conversation.

---