Page 112 of Friends Who Fake It

His words were unknowingly inflammatory.

“They will be the opposite to your father and mother. When they learn of Joshua, they will weep with joy.”

Ellie swallowed past a lump in her throat, memories of the phone call to Maria burning her brain.

She should have told her. She should have been honest with her. Damn it all, Ellie had been young and afraid but she’d deprived everyone of so much. Just like Xavier had said.

“I hope so,” she mumbled, but her mind was in the past, analyzing every look of Maria’s, every shake of Roberto’s head.

They’d scared her.

They’d swept in to protect Xavier and they’d put her firmly on the outside of his life from the beginning. And it had been so easy to believe the picture Maria had painted, and so she’d kept Josh all to herself. Away from people who didn’t want her.

She groaned inwardly.

More people who hadn’t wanted her, just like her parents. And now she was marrying a man who wanted her in bed, but not beyond. He wanted her because of Joshua, and because they had off-the-charts sexual chemistry, but nothing about that was unique to her. If another of his mistresses had become pregnant, wouldn’t he simply have been marrying her instead?

She took another bite of the paella, but could barely taste the exquisite saffron rice flavor.

“Have you told them about Joshua?”

“No.”

Her eyes jerked to his. “Why not?”

“They’ll be at the wedding. I think it is better to present them with afait accompli.”

“You’re worried about what they’ll say?”

His lips were a grim line in his face. “They are likely to be… unforgiving towards you,” he said, softening the words with a small smile. “They will adore Joshua, but knowing that they have missed three years of his life will be hard for them to come to terms with.”

She swept her eyes shut, thinking of Maria. She’d decided not to tell him about the scene at the hospital, nor the phone conversations afterwards.

But now?

“I… your mother…” the words tapered off and he looked at her expectantly, but she found the sentence impossible to form.

The pain of her own parents’ rejection was so fresh in her mind. What would Xavier say if she told him? If she told him she’d called Maria with the intention of getting in contact with Xavier, to be honest with him about the pregnancy? What would he say if she told him that Maria had lied? And that those lies were a large part of why a twenty year old Ellie hadn’t been confident enough to go through with speaking to Xavier?

She sighed heavily, her nerves stretching thin, and guilt hammered against her side.

Maria had lied to Ellie. She’d lied to get the other woman out of Xavier’s life.

But it was Ellie who’d believed the lies; Ellie who’d decided to run and hide rather than face the truth. Ellie had deprived them all of so much – what purpose was there in implicating Maria in that? “Maybe we should just get married and then they can come and meet Joshua. I don’t have to be a part of that.”

Xavier’s eyes narrowed. “You don’t think our son would find it easier with you in the room?”

She groaned. Of course he would. Now she stood, and he watched wordlessly, as she paced the room, searching for words.

“They’re going to hate me, aren’t they?”

A beat of silence passed. “They’re going to hate what they’ve missed out on.”

It was uncharacteristically considerate of her feelings. “They’re going to hateme,” she corrected. “And you hate me. And I… I think I even hate myself.”

She turned to face him, but she couldn’t look at him, and so didn’t see the expression that overtook his face, the mask of something dark. “I truly believed I was doing the right thing back then. I thought you’d be happy and I didn’t want to foist a child on you, and I didn’t want to foistmyselfon you. But now I see you with Joshua and I can’t believe I didn’t realise how much you were both losing. And I’m sorry,” she whispered, pressing her fingertips into her chest, as though that might stem the aching of her heart.

“I’m so sorry.” Now she forced herself to face him head on. His expression was tight, his features set in a pose of tension. “You wanted to hear me apologise? I’m doing it. I’m apologizing a thousand times. I wish I’d told you. I wish I could go back in time and do everything differently,” she stifled a sob. “I thought I was doing the right thing, but maybe I was being selfish. I was hurt and angry that you’d lied to me and unconsciously maybe I did want to punish you.”

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