Page 34 of Single Dad Christmas

She’d showered and changed into a pair of pajamas—he didn’t know where or when she’d got them, because at fifteen, Taylor did all her own shopping, but they were Christmassy, with a cat on the front in a Santa’s hat and the words “Miaowy Christmas” down the bottom.

His heart lurched.

She was alive, it was still early, and Louisa…Louisa would understand all this, because she was Louisa, and Louisa was, in pretty much every way, perfect.

“Oh, hi,”Louisa opened the door to find Noah standing there, holding two take-away coffee cups and a brown paper bag. Every feeling she’d experienced the night before slammed into her, so her heart felt as though it was being crushed beyond recognition.

“I brought breakfast.”

She stared at him, frowning, because she wasn’t ready to see him yet.

“It’s early.”

“You wake early.”

She nodded, standing there without letting him in. She was confused.

“I wanted to apologise,” he said. “I thought pastry would help my cause.”

She opened the door wider, remembering their first kiss, right here. Her heart trembled. “You don’t need to apologise. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“No, but the whole situation was a shame. I was looking forward to waking up with you at my place.”

“How’s Taylor?” she asked, clicking the door shut and locking it.

“Asleep, having thoroughly purged her body of whatever choice of alcohol she put into it.” There was a wave of tension in his voice, and she understood it. Worry for his daughter must have been consuming him. But Louisa pulled something protective around herself because she realized how much danger she was in here.

He placed the bag on the counter, then handed a coffee to Louisa. She took it—coffee was hard to say ‘no’ to. “Thanks.”

“I thought I’d do something with her this afternoon,” Noah was saying. “Take her out on the water.”

Louisa’s brow lifted despite herself. “Because sea sickness is what she needs right now?”

Noah grinned. “Could be a good punishment?”

Her heart stretched and burst. She sipped her coffee, then placed it down with fingers that were a little trembly. “Noah,” she said, but he held a hand up, to forestall her.

“Don’t,” he said, shaking his head, moving towards her.

“Don’t what?”

“I can tell by your tone that this isn’t going to be good. Don’t do it.”

Louisa’s emotions had always been free-flowing, but dating Ares, she’d learned—or rather, been taught—to control them. She’d learned not to express frustration, anger, sadness, sorrow. The only acceptable emotion she could show in public was happiness, and even then, not too much. A polite smile, a small laugh, always mindful of cameras and angles. It had been so taxing, but she was glad for that training now as she was able to control the tears that were stinging the backs of her eyelids.

“It’s not your fault,” she said, shaking her head.

“You’re annoyed at me.”

“No,” she shook her head quickly. “I’m—,” but she couldn’t find the right words and she stood there, gaping. “I just?—,”

He waited, patiently, which just made everything worse.

“You’re a father,” she said, with a lift of her shoulders. “First and foremost. I know that, I’ve known it this whole time. But last night, I felt…I saw…your world, and I was like a stranger, looking in from the outside.” Her brow furrowed, but now that she’d started, she didn’t want to stop. “I hated that.”

“You’re not a stranger?—,”

“There are so many limits to what this can be,” she said, determined now. “But we’ve been acting as though…” There, she found it hard to put into words. “We’ve been treating it like this is the beginning of something, you know? But the beginning of what? You have Taylor, and I’m from another country, which is myhome,”she said, forcefully. “There’s no long-term happy ending for us, so what are we doing, Noah? What are we doing?”And for the last sentence, her control snapped. She sounded as devastated as she felt. “I’m not annoyed at you, and you did nothing wrong. Last night just clarified everything for me. And I’m glad. Because we’ve only been doing this a week and a half. A week and a half!” She repeated, with a shake of her head, because she felt as though Noah was a part of her body and soul.

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