Page 118 of The Two Last Moments

“What do you think?” Danny asks as we’re getting out.

“It’s perfect. I do love it. So much.”

He goes around to the trunk. “Just wait to see what else I brought.”

This trip is our last hurrah before I start taking botany courses at West Oaks College. Quinn helped me work out my legal status, which was a lot easier once we figured out my real identity. My last name really is Swanson, and I was able to get a birth certificate, driver’s license, and everything else I needed. In the past month, I started a job at the West Oaks Botanical Gardens, and even though I’m mostly pulling weeds and soaking up information like a sponge, I couldn’t be happier. Every day feels so full of promise. And getting to go home to Danny at night is the perfect ending.

Danny’s back at work too, which I don’t always love, because it means that several times a week I don’t see him much at all. But his shifts at the station give me plenty of time to spend at the Pink House with Quinn, laughing together and commiserating and learning to cook now that Aidan has left West Oaks and moved to Colorado. Didn’t seethatone coming, and it’s a long story that will have to wait for another time.

I’ve met with my old friends in Solvang, too, even Cam. I told them what Denise did, how she ratted me out to Zander. But I’m not giving her any more of my thoughts or energy. I’m focusing on the present and future, while also making peace with my past.

While Travis still lives in Santa Barbara County near his winemaker, he visits us all the time. I text with him a lot too, especially when Danny’s on shift. Now that I have all my memories, Travis and I have rediscovered our friendship and carried on as if it had never been interrupted.

Travis had a few legal issues of his own to sort out. Specifically, that DUI charge in Las Vegas. He sometimes still has bad days with his chronic migraines, and that’s when I make the trip to him, bringing food and comfort and whatever else he needs. Travis loves spending time with his nephew too, but my relationship with Danny’s uncle is something special and different. Travis fills the space in my life that was empty for a long time after losing my real mom.

And Nina…

Nina’s absence echoes everywhere.

Losing her two months ago bound Travis, Danny, and me together in an entirely different way. While I only knew her for a short time compared to them, I loved her. Now that she’s gone, I’ve lost a piece of the new family that I only got to enjoy for a short time. I just hope that my presence in her life was as meaningful as hers was in mine.

But it’s been much harder for Danny. Losing his grandmother wounded him deeply. Even though he held himself together, I could see the pain sneaking through in his eyes when he looked off in the distance. For so much of his life, Nina was the one person he relied upon most. The only person he trusted to always have his back and choose him first.

The pain of losing her isn’t something that I can fix or take away. I can only show him how much I love him every single day. Always choosing him. But it’s not like that’s a burden. Finding Danny, loving him, is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.

This weekend is the first time that we’ve been away from West Oaks, just us, since she passed. Danny might have planned this trip, but I’ve got something special up my sleeve, too.

I just hope he likes it. That he’s ready to take the next step with me toward our future.

* * *

Nina passedseven weeks and five days ago. Every one of the moments since feels like it’s imprinted on my soul. A painful tattoo in indelible ink.

But each one comes a little easier. Thanks to Lark.

After Travis returned, Nina had a new surge of energy for a while. And again when my father finally got himself to West Oaks to say goodbye. She had her two sons by her side, plus me and Lark, and happiness radiated from her. I’ve rarely seen Nina smile so much for as long as I’ve known her.

She and Lark had some long conversations during that time too. I would wake up finding Lark gone from our room, and she would be asleep with her head on the mattress next to Nina, the two of them holding hands while both slept. Lark got so immersed in Nina’s care that she sometimes took over for me and Jess.

But after the joy of having her family back together again, it was like everything went downhill even faster. Saying a last goodbye to both of her sons gave her permission to start letting go.

She was ready to rest.

The morning she died, Travis was sitting right beside her. My dad stood behind him, a hand on Travis’s shoulder. Lark and I huddled together on the opposite side. The people who loved her most, surrounding her. Nina’s eyes were closed, but I knew she was awake. She felt us. She took her last breath, and when it was over, Lark put her arms around me and held me.

My uncle was sobbing quietly across from us. My dad stood utterly still.

Lark whispered that she loved me over and over again in my ear. And even though I couldn’t return those words aloud, not with everything else bunched up inside my throat, I’ve never loved her so much.

The wild thing is, I felt Nina’s love too. This bright sunlight had infused the room, the morning sun peeking in at just the right angle to make the place glow and sparkle. I’ve never felt so much love in my life as I did during those moments. My heart was so raw and exposed that the love hurt, yet it healed too. And I just pray that’s exactly what Nina felt as she left us.

A few weeks after, we rented a boat with Travis and spread Nina’s ashes over the ocean so she could travel to new and undiscovered places. Even though she’s never going to leave the place where she lives in our hearts.

There have been ups and downs since. Some days, especially in the mornings when I’m drinking coffee and looking out at the willow in the garden, I feel my grandmother’s memory surrounding me with light. And other times, the pain of losing her is so overwhelming that I struggle to get out of bed. But every time, no matter what I’m feeling, Lark is right there with me. Giving me someone to love and cherish, and cherishing me right back.

After I unload the SUV, we bring our things inside and make a simple dinner. As the sun is setting, I string an oversized hammock between two poles in the middle of the clearing. Lark and I cuddle up inside it, swinging back and forth as the sun disappears. A few stars are just beginning to peek out, though it’ll be hours before they’re really putting on a show.

“I brought a present for you,” I say. I’ve been slightly uncomfortable lying on the small box that’s in my back pocket. I sneak my fingers behind me and pull it out. “Something you’ll need now that you’re starting school.”

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