Page 44 of Be A Detective, They Said. It’ll Be Fun, They Said

I know that sounds like a ridiculous combination, but the movie Alien sprang to mind.

Sure, it was probably a completely inopportune time to recall this, but didn’t Sigourney Weaver kill an alien with fire? Didn’t she throw herself into a furnace or something? The ending of the movie is fuzzy. I think I fell asleep. Sci-fi isn’t my cuppa, but Heath loves it, and could it hurt to try?

But a lighter wasn’t going to cut it. I needed a flamethrower.

I kept speaking to Sam, thinking about my husband and Olivia, while my fingers reached into my Mary Poppins purse and felt around for a can of hair spray.

Marty and I? We were old school. We still loved our Aqua Net and we always had some handy. In our purses, our bathrooms, even in a kitchen drawer—because a girl always wants to be at her best.

I can’t tell you the relief I experienced when my hand touched that can of hair spray. Laying Sam back down as gently as I could, I pressed a kiss to his brow and whispered, “Wish Mommy luck, sweet boy. I love you more than the entire world times infinity.”

Sam stirred then. Gripping my arm, he whispered back, “I love you…too, Mommy,” before he drifted back into an unconscious state.

And my heart shattered. My stomach rolled and rumbled. Tears stung my eyes.

I wasn’t going to let this thing take this boy away from me. Not without a helluva fight.

Gritting my teeth, I searched for strength while I kicked off my shoes—because heels and a fight to the death aren’t always compatible. “So, what’s next, Groot? How are you going to end it all?” I asked, as he stooped to check the dial on a machine, the likes of which I’d never seen.

“Well, I didn’t plan on so many deaths before I left Earth, but I have a sedative that will end all your troubles. Rather a humane euthanasia, if you will. Promise you won’t feel a thing.”

My trembling hands clung to the hair spray and lighter as I crept toward him with silent steps, my nylons catching the concrete as I went. I only needed him to turn around. “You know, I just want to mention, you’re the nicest bad guy I’ve ever encountered, and believe me when I say I’ve encountered many.”

He didn’t turn around though. Instead, he busied himself reading a printout. “That’s so kind of you to say. I’m not here to terrorize you, Mrs. Jefferson. Not at all. I simply want what I need to end all of mankind. It’s not a big deal,” he said—and finally turned around.

In that second, I hit the actuator of my can of Aqua Net and lit that lighter for all I was worth.

Except, my lighter didn’t light. The dull clicking sound of the wheel that sparks the flame was a dud.

Gulp.

Groot came at me, fast and furious. “Oh, Mrs. Jefferson, how could you? I was just beginning to like you. What a pity.”

He gathered me up so fast, my eyeballs jiggled in my head, giving me a good shake. His hands, though lean with slender fingers, were like vise grips, their cool clamminess digging into my flesh. “And after I let you say goodbye to your son. I’m so disappointed.”

Imagine my disappointment that my Bic didn’t flick. I struggled against his grip, my feet dangling off the floor, my breathing a hard-won fight. He glared at me, his blacker-than-black eyeballs pinning me to the wall he held me against.

I was about to shift to were form when I sensed movement over Groot’s shoulder.

“Wanda!” I heard Nina bellow.

Dear God, I loved my BFF.

Nina’s voice caught Groot off guard and gave me the chance to take a second shot.

Lifting my arm—an arm that felt as if it were made of lead—I hit the actuator again, flicking the Bic in front of the stream of hair spray until it raged in flame.

Right in his big ugly face.

Groot dropped me hard, letting me crash to the ground, and my ankle twisted as my foot cracked against the basement floor.

“Wanda! Look out!” Marty screamed, the scuffle of her boots clacking wildly as she raced toward us.

Groot wasn’t an easy kill. With his face on fire, even as he began to melt into green slime, he came at me again, hauling me upward and slamming me back to the ground. The hair spray and lighter flew to the floor, swishing away from me.

I scrambled to get away, but he grabbed my ankles and dragged me back toward him, scraping the flesh of my cheek against the concrete floor.

That was when I realized it was going to take a whole lot more than a Bic lighter and some hair spray to end this. “Forget me! Get the children! Get Sam!” I yelled to Nina and Marty, as Groot hauled me up against him, my head only reaching his waist, the feel of his eerily cool, slick skin against mine making me gag.

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