Page 88 of Wicked Surrender

“We do. I’m sorry. I can’t believe…” The coordinator pressed her hand to her brow. “I am so sorry.”

“Then can I still present? As I was supposed to?” I asked her.

She nodded. “Yes, yes. Of course. Of course! We have someone out there fixing the projector and then…”

“Then I’ll present,” I replied.

Because I would be the intelligent and brave woman I always wanted to be.

“You’re fucking amazing,” Kristin said, grabbing my upper arms. “Like, fuck, Laura. Go. Go get it.”

I gave her a wobbly smile, caught up in the roller coaster of emotions. Then with the coordinator’s go-ahead, I re-entered the stage.

This time, I waited to make sure the correct presentation was up. Holding my head high and focusing on the topic I could be passionate about, I gave my spiel on the cancer drug trials.

I refused to look in the direction of my family. I didn’t glance at the row where Jason had been seated.

I just gave it my all and hoped it would be my best.

I was not second-best.

So long as I knew that I was intelligent and brave, like Jason saw in me, I would just be my best.

And I did.

The day after the symposium, I received word that I’d won. The judges marked my presentation the highest, and despite rejecting the topic my father wanted me to do, Iwon.

While the high of that success cheered me, it didn’t do anything for the overreaching negativity it had to come with.

My father was furious, ranting at me every day this past week for thwarting him and swapping my presentation. He called me selfish, immature, and irresponsible.

My mother was livid, scolding me every day this past week for humiliating her and the family for ‘allowing’ those photos to be shared. She called me disgusting, disgraceful, and slutty.

Between the two of them, I had no mercy from their reminders that I’d never measure up to Mai or be good enough. I tried to banish them from my thoughts, going back again and again to how Jason told me that I was intelligent and brave.

All week long, I heard not a single word from him, and that messed me up even more.

He wanted to make amends, but where was the effort to do that past his rash decision to spare me further humiliation at the symposium?

He said he wanted to talk to me, but where were his calls and texts?

I didn’t see him once, which felt like another step toward misery.

That was why when I stood around with my family at Mai and Mark’s engagement party tonight, I flirted with the idea of leavingnow.

They all thought they were so clever, whispering instead of telling me to my face how embarrassing I was to the family. Everyone here probably figured I didn’t care when they brought up that prank.

I couldn’t even go near my father again, too peeved by his constant repetitions of how I’d failed him.

Subjected to their criticism here, I didn’t feel very intelligent or brave.

But at leastmostof the attention was on Mai and Mark and their engagement. He popped the question a couple of weeks back, and I was grateful there was something else for my family to talk about.

“I just can’t believe you would sleep around like that,” Mom said in the corner again.

Grandma scowled. “You should’ve stayed with Ethan,” she scolded. “He is a nice, respectable young man.”

“Who lacks the knowledge of how to find the clitoris.”

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