Page 32 of The Lonely Hearts Guide

“Mrs.—Mother,” he quickly corrected. “What’s happening?”

Rather than answer, Mrs. Peppercorn proudly pointed at Elliot’s bump. “I’ve planted the seed, and I’ve watched it grow.” She turned to Elliot and whispered into his ear, “I’m terribly sorry, sugar. I snuck into her room and took her itinerary. The book said I’m meant to sell them on reproductive options. I’m not exactly comfortable doing it, but I can’t deviate from the script or they’ll know I’m not Mother.”

Elliot wanted to ask the crowd why they believed she was Ms. Emily Broussard to begin with. She looked nothing like Mother, botched facelift notwithstanding. He knew he had to play the part, however, so Elliot rubbed his baby bump and nodded.

Mrs. Peppercorn held Mother’s big blue book in front of her face, scanning one of the pages, nodding to herself before quickly clapping it closed and letting it rest at her side. “Elliot’s husband brought him to us two years ago with a request. He wanted a child of his own, and Elliot was to be the vessel. Elliot will give birth in a little over three months, and when he does, we plan to make the procedure available to all of you and your bountiful beaus.” Her grip tightened around the book as she stared into the crowd. Elliot looked around the room, surprised to see a look of absolute horror on most of his i-Series brothers’ faces. It was a sentiment most of the Masters and Misters in the crowd shared, but there were a handful of potential husbands, and even a few beaus, who looked as if she just offered them the moon. What hurt Elliot most was seeing the reaction of the reluctant beaus. They were staring at their current and future masters with a look of absolute betrayal. The same betrayal Elliot felt when he woke to find his baby bump that first day. Like their lives were ripped away from them, having been thrown head-first into a pregnancy they never asked for. Elliot would be damned if he allowed them to inflict that hurt on anyone else. The men may have been bought and paid for, but they didn’t pay for this. They wouldn’t pay for it, if Elliot had his way. Yes, some of the beaus were giddy at the prospect of fatherdom, but his brothers deserved the chance to choose. Their bodies. Their choice.

Elliot slowly rubbed his baby bump as Mrs. Peppercorn continued her speech, detailing the process by reading aloud from Mother’s blue book, fumbling and stumbling over her pronunciations of medical jargon. Once she finished her spiel, she led Elliot to the main table at the front of the dining room. Elliot scooped Professor Plum out of his pocket and placed him on top, then they took their seats, Alexander and Mrs. Peppercorn at each side of Elliot, wedging him between them like affectionate bookends.

The air of positivity Elliot had been basking in earlier was gone, leaving him alone in his upset.

“It’s okay,” Mrs. Peppercorn assured him, whispering into his ear. “Once this cruise is over, we’ll think of something. I could pretend to meet an untimely end by making a glorious third-act villainous monologue and then diving into the ocean, but I guess two deaths at sea would be overkill. Still, I’m up for it if you are.” She looked at Alexander. “You’ll need to come get me with one of the emergency rafts. I’d prefer not to drown, if possible.”

“You’re not diving into the sea,” Elliot hissed, though not too unkindly.

She breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank God for that. Truthfully, I was worried you might agree to it. I don’t really want to wade in the water until Mr. Davenport can rescue me. Don’t worry, sugar. We’ll think of something. We have to, and we need to figure it out before we dock, because I have no intention of playing the role of Emily Broussard once we reach dry land.” The corner of her lip curled menacingly, a look Elliot had never seen on her face before. “The fact of the matter is, I’ve never been good in positions of power, and I’m already feeling it. I don’t relish the command for respect, or the need for unyielding devotion.” She gazed around the room and smiled rather proudly. “They worship me. Well, they worship her, but you know what I mean.”

“I’m not sure what any of this has to do with you jumping in the sea,” Elliot pointed out.

“I was a checkout girl when I was younger,” she continued, ignoring him as if she hadn’t heard a word he said.

“I don’t know what that has to do with anything, either. Mrs. Peppercorn, I believe you’re spiraling.”

“Hogwash,” she said. “It has everything to do with it. When I was sixteen, I got a job down at the Pick-n-Save. I worked there for two years before being promoted to Assistant Manager.” Elliot cocked an eyebrow, giving her time to make her point, despite his waning patience. “They say I went a bit power mad, you see, but it’s like I told them; I run a tight ship. I expect greatness, because that’s what I give back to the world. Now, were my methods for achieving greatness problematic? Potentially. And did I let my ego get the better of me a few times? Sure. Did I try to crush someone’s hand in the box baler for calling in sick five minutes before his shift started? Absolutely, and I’d do it again, because there’s nothing I hate worse than an Inconsiderate Ian.”

“I don’t know what she’s talking about,” Elliot whispered to Alexander. “And I have no idea what a box baler is.”

“Smile and nod, sweetheart. If you let her ramble long enough, she’ll tire herself out.” He bumped his shoulder against Elliot’s.

Elliot bumped him back.

“The final straw came when I pulled my district manager over my knee and gave him a spanking for insulting the cleanliness of my store. I’ll tell you something for nothing, boys, I’ll stand for many things—being called unclean and sloppy isn’t one of them. The man fired me on the spot, so I joined a coven of witches and cast a spell on him.” Her eyes narrowed. “Double, double, toil and trouble, may he never have an accidental erection that’s subtle. That’s the spell I cast. Three weeks later he was arrested for methamphetamine possession. I’m not saying the two are related—”

“Because they’re not,” Elliot pointed out, but it only earned him a scowl.

“The point is, he ended up in jail for half a year, and the Pick-n-Save closed shortly after.”

Elliot opened his mouth, wanting to shift the conversation back to the matter at hand, but a familiar face peeked up from the crowd, waving rapidly at him. The hand belonged to a man sitting at a table toward the end of the dining hall.

“Elliot!” Mayor Beau Rivera of Genevieve, Georgia, called out. He stood up from his seat and headed toward them, beaming ear to ear. What in the world was he doing there?

As he approached, Elliot took stock of the man heading his way. Beau was certainly an attractive man. In another life, he’d probably even want to claim him as his own, but now, he couldn’t. Now, hewouldn’t, because he had Alexander, and Alexander was the best man he’d ever met—not that Elliot had met very many men.

“I hope you don’t mind me tagging along,” Beau said, taking a seat beside him. “When you went missing, Periwinkle called me and said you left a note saying you were running away to find a forever with your mystery man—”

“You wanted to find a forever?” Alexander interrupted, his smile big and bright, making Elliot blush. “With me?”

Elliot squeezed his hand and nodded, unable to speak. He wanted to kindly ask Mayor Rivera to zip his lips before any other unwelcome admissions slipped out, but he stopped himself when Alexander leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. The kiss felt truer than anything he’d ever felt, and Elliot released Alexander’s hand long enough to cup his cheek.

“I wanted to find you,” Elliot whispered. “I wanted to find you more than I’ve ever wanted anything.” He rubbed the tips of their noses together before offering Alexander a parting peck. He wanted to explore this new thing they were building together, but Elliot prided himself on his manners, so he turned his attention back to Mayor Rivera.

“So, you followed us here to make sure I was okay?”

“As much as I’d like to claim some heroic nature, I’m afraid the reason I’m here is a selfish one. I’m hoping to find a forever for myself, too.”

Elliot didn’t understand why Beau felt he needed to resort to purchasing a husband when he was such a handsome, kind man. He radiated positivity, and that should have been enough to land him the pick of the litter. Alexander’s reasoning for wanting a bountiful beau made sense to Elliot. He was a very busy man. He didn’t have time to nurture a budding relationship, but he wanted someone to shower with love.

“But you’re so handsome,” Elliot pointed out. “Men should be lined around the city square at the chance of standing by your side.”

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