Page 42 of Between Hate and Desire

“What?” they both shriek.

I’m sweating when I look at them. “Died at the scene. Officers showed up late last night to tell us.”

“Fuck. Are you joking?” Liam scrubs a hand through his hair, visibly upset.

Mason shakes his head in disbelief. “No way.”

I frown. “Serious.”

They’re both distraught, and I lead them to the kitchen table to sit so we don’t upset Lennon any more than she already is.

After moments of silence, Mason clears his throat. “Do you know what happened?”

“Yeah, Mrs. Locke spoke with the medical examiner and officer this morning. But last night, all I knew was what Lennon told me, which was that he went on a solo joyride.”

As I say it aloud, it hits me. Lennon told me they were supposed to go cruising together, and she ended up changing her plans at the last minute when she went to Sophie’s last night. Holy fuck.

Not only is Lennon dealing with this news, but she’s also probably thinking about how she was supposed to be with him. Hell, I honestly don’t know what she’s thinking, but I can only imagine the grief and anger she’s experiencing. The same emotions rush through me too.

I repeat the information Brandon’s mom told me about how the investigation is still ongoing, but that a semi-truck hit him at sixty miles an hour. The driver claimed he didn’t even see him, and that Brandon flew off the bike and landed in a ditch. Even though he was wearing a helmet, nothing could’ve saved his life at that speed. He was dead before the paramedics arrived on the scene.

He was only twenty minutes away from home.

The visual and realization have me rushing to the sink and emptying my stomach.

“You alright, man?” Liam asks after a moment, handing me a towel.

“Fuck if I know.” I wipe my mouth and the cold sweat off my forehead. “I can’t believe he’s gone.”

“I know.” Mason claps his hand tightly on my shoulder and squeezes.

Lennon’s sisters and the guys stay through the afternoon, but soon they all have to go, leaving the two of us in a silent apartment. Neither of us has eaten all day, and I know if we don’t, we’ll lose our strength to get through this.

I don’t bother asking Lennon if she’s hungry because I already know what she’ll say. So I order comfort food, and when it arrives, I plate it for her and bring it to where she’s lying on the couch—the spot she hasn’t moved from all day.

“No, thanks,” she mutters, staring off into space.

“You need something in your stomach, Lennon.” I push it closer toward her.

“You don’t know shit about what I need,” she says, her voice a bit louder this time.

“Look, I know you’re pissed. I know you’re hurting. I know you’re angry. I get it. If you need to use me as your emotional punching bag, then I’ll let you. But I’m not going to let you starve.” I tell her firmly.

She finally turns and looks at me but remains silent.

“Just try to eat a little,” I say softer this time. “I ordered your favorite.”

Lennon blinks, then looks down at her plate. “How’d you know this is my favorite?” She eyes the lobster and shrimp mac ’n’ cheese.

I swallow, looking down at my own plate of the same thing. She thinks I don’t listen when she talks, but she’s wrong. I’m always listening, especially when it comes to her. Not for any particular reason, but I hear what she says all the same.

“I just do.”

She sits up and takes the plate, placing it on her lap. “Thank you.”

The TV’s been on all day as background noise, but neither of us talks or watches what’s playing. We sit in silence and eat, and though I have no appetite, I scarf it down. Lennon moves her food around with her fork before she finally takes a bite.

Nothing either of us can say will make the other feel better or change things. As much as Lennon wants to hate me, I’m here to stay and help her through this—help us both through this. Even though I don’t want to admit it, I need her as much as she needs me. She’s the only person who was as close to Brandon as I was and can fully understand the never-ending grief I’m feeling. I know I’ve wanted to hate her and have her hate me this whole time, but Brandon dying has put everything into perspective. Life’s too short and unpredictable to be a dickhead. I know he’d want me to look after her the best way I know how, even if she’d rather push me away.

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