Page 129 of Between Hate and Desire

“Not so fast.” Maddie grabs my arm, pulling me back. “Spill the tea.”

I slouch back in the seat and they stare at me. “It was an accident. I walked in on him just as he was getting out of the shower.”

“And you didn’t faint?” Maddie snickers.

“I was so embarrassed!” I hiss, my cheeks heating at the memory. “I turned around immediately.”

They both chuckle, and I mutter at them to shut up. “Can we drop it now? I need to be able to look at him tonight.”

“Were things weird when you got home last night?” Sophie asks.

“No, but…” I stop myself, realizing it’s too late, and they’re going to press me on it anyway. “We slept in my old bed at Mom and Dad’s, and when we were in our own rooms last night, I missed him.” I shrug, knowing they’re going to give me so much shit. “Well, I missed having a body next to me.”

“And?” Sophie raises a brow.

“I asked him to lie with me. So he did, and we fell asleep snuggling.”

“Aww…” Maddie singsongs. “So now you’re what? Sleeping buddies?”

My head drops, and I groan. “I don’t know. It sucks sleeping alone when you’re so used to having someone next to you.” Though if I’m being honest with myself, it was much more than that. I didn’t just miss that feeling—I missedhim—and the realization makes my head spin and my heart sink.

“What happened to boundaries, Lennon?” Sophie gives me a pointed look.

“Pretty sure they’re nonexistent at this point.” I chew my bottom lip, thinking about how quickly things have escalated. We won’t be able to fall back into watchingFriendsand eating dinner together every night. Not after our trip.

They both give me wary looks.

“Do you want me to be truthful about all this?” I ask them. My heart flutters, knowing I can’t keep this from my sisters. I trust them with my life and hate keeping secrets from them. The only thing I have to lose is my heart, though I’m convinced I already have.

They nod and smile as they lean forward, waiting for me to speak.

“I’m scared of falling for Hunter and opening myself and my heart to him. I’m also afraid of losing him and everything we have right now. Hunter has been my rock, my best friend, and I’m not sure I could handle him not being in my life if we didn’t work out.”

My heart beats erratically at the thought.

Sophie’s sad eyes meet mine, and Maddie frowns.

“I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you. It’s okay not to make any decisions right now. Time will tell all, Lennon. You’re not over Brandon, you’re concerned about our parents, and you’re hormonaland hornyas hell.” Sophie smirks, grabbing my hand. “Add in your feelings, and it’s a lot for anyone to deal with. He’s your biggest cheerleader and might understand you on a different level than Maddie or I do at this point. I think he’ll give you time if you ask, but you can’t lead him on.”

“I know. I don’t want to be that person at all. The feelings are there, but I have to stop acting on them. I have an overwhelming amount of guilt for wanting more or thinking about him in that way. While we were in Utah, I could no longer tell what was real and what wasn’t. I know I said we were acting, but at times, I wondered if he was…” I trail off, then shake my head because I can’t allow myself to think of the possibilities. “I would never, ever intentionally hurt him,” I add, though I’m afraid it’s too late for that.

“We know,” Maddie says. “Hunter knows that too. You’re in a vulnerable place at the moment.”

As the conversation comes to an end, the three of us get up and make our way to the parking lot. Maddie hitched a ride with Sophie so she didn’t have to Uber or take the bus. I give Maddie a hug and tell her to keep me updated on her shows and rehearsals. I love hearing about them and can’t wait to watch her perform soon.

Sophie pulls me in for a hug next and then pushes us apart slightly. “Be careful, Lennon. I know you’re in a sensitive situation right now, and you two went through some shit together in Utah, but I don’t want you getting hurt again.”

“Trust me, I don’t either,” I tell her honestly. “Hunter will always be Brandon’s best friend, and even though Mom and Dad bought the story doesn’t mean it could ever be real life. But this side of Hunter…it’s hard not to like him.”

“I’m glad he’s there for you as a friend, Lennon. But I hope he’s being sincere and won’t suddenly change his mind about wanting a roommate with a baby or something.”

“It’s my biggest fear, Soph. Especially after Jenna. One day, he’s going to move on with his life, and when that time comes, I won’t stand in the way. He deserves to be happy.”

A tear escapes, and I quickly brush it away, but not before Sophie sees it. She tilts her head and looks at me. “You can text or call me anytime. You know that, right?”

I wrap my arms around her again. “Of course I do. And the same goes for you too.”

After I go to my car, I crank it and wait until Sophie and Maddie drive away. I lose track of time as my eyes fill with water and tears stream down my cheeks. Admitting my feelings and saying them aloud have my emotions tightly twisted together, and I’m in knots over it. I blink up at the blue sky and watch the fluffy clouds float across as I suck in a deep breath, then back out of the parking lot.

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