Page 103 of Between Hate and Desire

“We’ll need them for a while, Lennon. And after this is over, I’ll sell them online or something. People buy secondhand jewelry all the time,” I explain as we arrive at our gate and find a seat. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her in close, hoping to calm her. “I’m not worried about how much it’ll cost, so you shouldn’t either. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there, okay?”

She relaxes. “Alright. I’m nervous about this and stressed to the max. I’ll be better once we get back and return to normal.”

We sit in silence for a while, people watching as they walk by us. Lennon eventually pulls out her phone and sends her sisters a picture of the rings. I can only imagine what they’re saying right now, considering I’m so fucking transparent to them. They’ve made way too many side comments over the past month not to see right through me. Shit, they’ll probably show Mason and Liam too. I’m so fucked.

As she laughs and texts, I get lost in my head, thinking about Brandon. I shouldn’t be the one going to Utah with Lennon. I think back to when he mentioned proposing over the summer. We were sitting at the kitchen table eating breakfast, and I remember how fucking excited and nervous he was about it. It seems like yesterday when the jealousy took over, and I regret ever feeling that way, especially now. Guilt consumes me as I stare out at the sea of strangers waiting to board their planes.

Lennon notices me withdrawing. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.”

She doesn’t ask me what’s on my mind, and the awkward tension between us returns. I’m sure she assumes I’m thinking about Jenna and the baby.

A man comes over the intercom and lets us know we’ll begin boarding in ten minutes. Lennon and I move to stand in line, and as I look over her shoulder, I catch a glimpse of one of the text messages from Sophie about Jenna—about me becoming a father. Lennon lets out a long breath and tucks her phone into her purse as we walk down the passenger boarding bridge.

After I put the carry-on suitcase in the overhead storage, we sit and wait for everyone to board. The awkward silence returns, and she’s lost in her thoughts again. Lennon glances down at the sparkling diamonds as the plane takes off, and I look at her.

“I know this whole Jenna thing is on your mind, but I don’t want you to worry about it. This doesn’t change anything, especially what I said before she showed up.” I lower my voice and move closer so I’m practically whispering in her ear. “It’s not mine. I can promise you that.”

Her eyes meet mine, and our mouths are so damn close.Too close.“How can you be so sure? Even if you double wrapped it and she was on birth control, a pregnancy can happen.” She points her chin down to her swollen stomach as if to imply she and Brandon were careful too.

I swallow hard, pinching the back of my neck. “I just know. I’m one hundred percent positive, okay? Please…just trust me.”

Lennon inhales a deep breath. I need her trust more than ever right now.

“Okay,” she tells me with a tight nod. “I trust you.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

LENNON

My words come out ragged.I want to trust him more than anything, but I know his past. I saw the countless nameless women he brought home before and after I moved in. He was a classic fuckboy. Honestly, this shouldn’t surprise me as much as it has. I’m shocked he hasn’t knocked up some random girl before this, but hell, why did it have to beher? When I think about it, what bothers me the most is the jealousy that courses through me. I have no right to feel that way, no claim on him, and that only irritates me more. Between this and the stress of seeing my parents, those are the only constants I have.

Nothing has been easy or worked in my favor. Each time I think I might be okay, a curveball comes my way, and something else happens. First, Brandon’s unexpected death, then finding out I’m pregnant with his baby, and now Hunter’s situation. At this point, I’m wondering what else could possibly occur.

As soon as Hunter told me we’d be a makeshift family, Jenna came barreling in like a freight train. Knocking me off my axis, she forced me back to my sad reality. I’d been so caught up in preparing for Utah that it was almost easy to believe Hunter’s promises, believe every word he said to me. For a moment, in my heart, I knew I’d be all right. The worry and stress had temporarily vanished as I got caught up in the fantasy of Hunter always being there for me and the baby.

Jenna was the wake-up call I needed. It snapped me out of my fairy tale so fast, I might have a concussion from the whiplash.

Hunter and I have nothing more than a solid friendship. Eventually, he’ll find someone who makes him happy, fall in love, and want to start a family. How could he not? Hunter deserves it all.

Even though he swears Jenna’s baby isn’t his, I don’t understand how he can be so sure. Sometimes the best birth control and protection fail because nothing is one hundred percent. I’m a perfect example of that. But if Hunter wants me to trust him, I’ll try my damnedest to. It’s the least I can do after everything he’s selflessly done for me.

We sit in silence as I try to get ahold of my emotions. Being with Hunter and spending most of our free time together has been different. Months ago, if someone had told me we’d be so close, I would’ve laughed in their face, but he’s quickly become my best friend. I’ve learned things about him I never knew and understand him on a much deeper level. We’ve shared so much of our raw selves with each other, and I can’t help but trust him. He knows every detail about me—the way I feel about certain topics and my insecurities, down to the names of the pets I had as a kid. I keep having to remind myself we’re just friends and that’s all this is. It’s all it can ever be.

As I think about Jenna, another wave of jealousy hits me in full force, and then a bolt of guilt follows. Something unspoken has been simmering between me and Hunter, and neither of us wants to admit it. I sure as hell don’t. Ican’t.

I didn’t expect to feel anything when we practiced kissing, but I felteverything. I couldn’t make any sense of it. As soon as he poured himself into me, I was left gasping, my body buzzing with something I couldn’t explain. That wasn’t supposed to happen. I shouldn’t feel that way. I can’t give those thoughts attention, so I push them away and bury them deep.

My mind wanders back to seeing Jenna at the door with desperation on her face and in her voice. I’m sure she’s scared, and I can only imagine how much strength it took to confront Hunter. I know he’s rejected her calls for weeks, and part of me wonders if that was due to me and how much I needed him. While I don’t like her, I admire her fearlessness. What if the baby truly is his? All the scenarios and unknowns almost make me panic. Will he move out? Will she move in? The selfish part of me doesn’t want to lose him. I’ve already lost so much, and this is another reminder of how alone I am.

“Everything okay?” Hunter asks as I wipe a rogue tear from my cheek.

I push the thoughts aside and give him a small smile. “Yeah, just nervous about seeing my parents.”

He nods, though I’m not sure he buys it. “I’m getting nervous too. Meeting the parents…it’s a big deal.” He waggles his brows, making me laugh.

“You’re supposed to be the strong one,” I quip, sighing. “But yeah. It’s a big deal, at least in my family.”

---