Page 82 of Between Hate and Desire

“Hey, a single girl’s gotta do what she’s gotta do. And you know I’m not about those fuck boys.” She gives me a pointed look, which has me bursting into laughter. Sophie’s so damn modest, I never would’ve thought she’d be all about self-pleasure. Part of me wants to bring up Mason, but I know she’s already on edge with her new roommate situation. “Honestly, though, you’ve been around Hunter so much lately, I’m surprisedI’mnot having sex dreams about him. He’s hot. Big muscles, tall, looks at you as if he can see inside your soul…” She’s basically salivating at the mouth now, which makes me chuckle at her ridiculousness.

“Shut it.” I snort. “Okay, fine, maybe you’re right. I probably do need some sort of…release. Maybe then the dreams won’t return, and I can go back to looking at him like my friend instead of…” I trail off, thinking about him hovering above me, ready to claim my mouth and body.

Sophie clears her throat. “It must’ve beenreallygood.” Pure amusement fills her tone, but this is way out of my comfort zone.

I frown. “I’d never, Soph. I couldn’t. I feel like I’ve cheated on Brandon by having that dream about Hunter. I wish it hadn’t happened, honestly. I don’t want things to change between us, but eventually, it has too, right? He’ll move on and find someone who doesn’t have baggage. And when he does, I’m sure his girlfriend wouldn’t want me hanging around him the way I am right now, or at least I wouldn’t want that if the positions were reversed. But we’ve become good friends, and I think my subconscious is playing tricks on me because I genuinely care about him.”

She finishes eating, then slides her plate away. “I don’t think he’s going anywhere, Lennon.”

“Why does everyone keep making jabs like that? We’re just friends. That’s all we’ll ever be. That’s all wecanbe.” I let out a ragged breath, wondering why that thought brings me sadness.

These fucking hormones.

Sophie drops it and doesn’t say another word about it. We talk about one of her students as she takes me back to my apartment. Before I get out, we exchange a hug, and I promise to call her if I need anything.

After she reverses from the parking spot, she stops and rolls down the window. “I’m ordering you a present. It’ll be on your doorstep in two days.” She shoots me a wink before driving away, and I stand there with my jaw on the ground.

It’s been a little over a month since I found out I was pregnant, and each time my parents FaceTime me, I keep it short, worried my mother will notice I’ve gained ten pounds. The thought of telling them gives me anxiety because I know what their reaction will be. Before we get off the phone, I make sure to stress how much I love them. Mainly because I’ve learned you never know when it’ll be the last time, and because I want them to know they mean a lot to me, regardless if I’m lying to them. If they decide they don’t want anything to do with me or the baby, I may never be able to say those words to them again, and that thought makes me so fucking sad.

Their last call was to confirm I’m still going for the Fourth of July holiday weekend in less than two weeks. They know I’ve been a mess since Brandon’s death and are eager to see me. I haven’t said much or confirmed if I’m going or not, but now that I’m pregnant, I need to be truthful.

I still have the plane tickets. Though I thought about canceling the trip several times, I haven’t. I’ve been thinking about how to break the news about the baby and them being grandparents. Telling them in person is the only logical, respectful choice. One ticket is still in Brandon’s name, and I kept hoping Sophie or Maddie could come with me so I didn’t have to do this alone, but their schedules won’t allow it. I’ll probably have to cancel it soon and go alone.

Checking the clock, it’s almost time for Hunter to get home, and the thought excites me. I’ve grown to miss him when he’s working because it gets lonely here.

However, Sophie and Maddie are coming over tonight, and we’re going to look through baby name books. We try to get together at least once a week, and though it can be hard with everyone’s schedule, we’ve somehow been able to make it work.

I grab the stack of books and sit on the couch. As I flip through one of them, I start thinking about my parents again and what their reaction will be. A tear slides down my cheek when the front door opens. Hunter notices, and his face contorts.

“Everything okay?” he asks, setting down his work bag that’s stuffed full. He comes over and sits beside me on the couch.

I shrug, wiping my cheeks. “I’m thinking about my parents and taking that trip to Utah during the Fourth of July. I’m so fucking scared about what they’re going to say or do.” My voice cracks. “But I know it has to be done.”

He stills as he studies me.

“I’ll go with you, Lennon.”

Wait,what?“Hunter…”

“I don’t want you to have to tell them alone. Plus, I have a few vacation days I can take.” He shrugs as if this is no big deal, but to me, it’s huge.

I shake my head. “You can’t always be there for me, Hunter.”

“Yes, I can, and I will.”

We sit in silence for a moment, both of us in our heads, until he notices the books stacked high. “Still searching for baby names tonight with your sisters?”

I burst into laughter. “They’ll be here in thirty minutes.”

“If Sophie’s driving, it’ll be fifteen.” He stands, shooting me a smirk. “Gonna take a shower. It’s hot as fuck outside, and I’m sweaty.”

“Well, I wasn’t gonna say anything but…” I tease even though he smells as good as always to me.

“Hilarious.” He walks backward, giving me a pointed look. “Just think about it, Lennon.”

“Okay,” I tell him, then he turns around and walks toward the bathroom.

I think about how he’d give me the confidence I need to face my parents. He’s supported me so much that when he’s around, I feel as if I can do scary things—like telling my parents I’m pregnant out of wedlock.

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