Page 70 of Between Hate and Desire

“What’s taking you guys so long?” Maddie interrupts, walking up behind us. “Having a sisterly chat without me?” She stalks around the cart and faces us. “What’s wrong?”

Turning away from Sophie, I respond, “She thinks I’m pregnant.”

“What?” Maddie covers her mouth when she realizes how loud she is. “I mean, how?”

Sophie and I both give her a look.

“No, dummies, I knowhow. I meant, wouldn’t you know by now if you were?” She’s treading lightly, and I appreciate the fact she doesn’t assume I’m sleeping with another guy already.

“Instead of fighting about it, let’s get you a test?” Sophie suggests.

“I’m not pregnant,” I say dryly.

“Have you had any symptoms? Why does Soph think you’re knocked up?” Maddie asks.

“She hasn’t had her period since before Brandon died,” Sophie replies.

“Gee, why don’t we broadcast it over the loudspeaker?”

“Well, isn’t it common for your body to change during a traumatic event or something?” Maddie asks.

“See?” I point my finger at her. “Exactly what I’m saying. Sophie thinks I’m whoring around.”

“I never said that!” She scowls. “But let’s think about this. Aside from no period, you’re fatigued, you haven’t had any appetite, and your hormones are all jacked up.” She holds a hand up to stop me when I try to defend all those things. “Those could be symptoms from grieving, I’m not saying it couldn’t be, but it could also possibly be due to pregnancy. Those are all signs, and if you weren’t grieving, you’d know one hundred percent that something was different. So, take a test and know for sure. For my sanity, please?”

I hate that she has a point even though I’m certain she’s wrong and making this a much bigger deal than it is.

They stare at me, waiting.

“Fine. I’ll take a test if that’ll shut you both up!”

“Okay, I was on your side until that last comment, so now I’m Team Pregnancy,” Maddie says with a smug grin.

I can’t be pregnant. There has to be another explanation for missing it.

I stopped taking my pills.

My cycles are all jacked up because of how much stress I’ve been feeling between losing Brandon and working. Except now I’m not due back to work for a couple more months. So my period will probably show up, and this whole thing will be a total waste of time.

I haven’t had the appetite to eat because I’ve been too damn sad to even care about food.

Ugh, but fuck it. If it’ll shut them up, I’ll pee on a damn stick.

I march over to the aisle and look at all the options. Why do there have to be so many? When I don’t return, Sophie and Maddie hunt me down.

“What’s wrong?” Sophie asks.

“I don’t know which one I’m supposed to get. Early response? Pink lines? Blue lines?”

“Have you never had to buy a prego test before?” Erin chimes in, and I didn’t even realize she was behind us.

“No,” Sophie, Maddie, and I all respond at once. Having a baby before being married was always out of the question. Our parents would lose their damn minds and disown us. It’s why I could never tell them Brandon and I lived together ‘in sin.’ I love them and want their approval so bad that lying was the better option.

“The digital ones have more clear readings,” Erin confirms. “But the pink line ones are cheaper.”

“Fine.” I grab a box that says 99.99% accurate and has two tests inside. “Happy now?” I ask my sisters, making a show of tossing it into the cart and walking away.

That’s gonna be a waste of fifteen bucks.

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