Page 53 of Between Hate and Desire

“Motorcycle club,” she confirms. She pours herself a cup, then adds creamer.

“Lennon.”

She looks up at me.

“You sure that’s a good idea? I mean, considering…” I’m shocked she’d even have an interest in reading that.

She shrugs as if she’s unsure. “I think it’ll be a way to face my fears or something. I’ve read the other books in the series, so at least I know what to expect.”

Licking my lips, the tip of my tongue feeling burnt, I stay silent as I watch her expression. She wants my approval, to tell her it’s okay to enjoy reading even if she thinks she’s supposed to be miserable for the rest of her life.

“Then I think you should get it.” I grin, hesitatingly. The last thing she needs is to spiral down again to where she was weeks ago. After finally making some progress, I’d hate to see her beat herself up again. “Only if it doesn’t upset you.”

Lennon takes a sip of her coffee like it’s nothing, probably because it’s more creamer than anything else. “Don’t worry. If it’s too much, I’ll put it in the freezer.”

I furrow my brows, wondering if she’s serious. “Huh?” I grab my to-go mug and pour the rest of my coffee into it. I have to leave for work soon.

“Have you never watchedFriends?” Her eyes widen with judgment.

“Of course, who hasn’t?” I smirk, although it’s been a while since I’ve seen it.

“The episode where Joey and Rachel trade books. He putsThe Shiningin the freezer because it scares him,” she explains, laughing at the idea. “Then he reads Rachel’s book,Little Women, and when one of them get sick, he gets sad, and Rachel?—”

“Offers to put it in the freezer,” I finish for her, now laughing as I remember that episode.

“Yes!” She beams. “Best show ever.”

Ten minutes later, I’m grabbing my things and getting ready to leave for work. I leave a little easier knowing Lennon won’t be alone and wallowing. Either she saves that for when I’m not home, or she’s getting better at dealing with her emotions. I’d hate to think she’s hiding her feelings for my sake and hope she’s comfortable enough to express herself how she needs to. I still have her sisters check on her when I’m not here, and Liam and Mason have even stopped by a few times.

“Don’t worry, I’ll be okay,” she reassures me before I walk out the door. “I cry in the shower, get it out of the way for the day, and then I’m usually good until bedtime.”

The sadness is evident on her face, though her tone is light. I give her a look, knowing there’s nothing I can say to change any of this.

“We should watchFriendslater,” I simply say. “I’ll order dinner, and we can laugh our asses off all night long.” I figure it’s a safe show for us to watch. Nothing overly sexual or sad. We’ve been watching—or, rather, she’s been insisting—on her trash reality shows, and for the most part, I’ve been allowing it, but enough is enough. A man can only handle so much female drama caused by self-sabotage.

“Sounds like a plan. But I’m still controlling the remote,” she adds with a grin.

I shake my head and chuckle. “What else is new?”

Driving to work, I think about Brandon and our old daily routine. Before Lennon moved in, we’d pass each other in the mornings and then hang out all night. He wouldn’t see her until the weekends, but then as soon as she moved in, she consumed his waking moments anytime she was near. He loved her so damn much, that was obvious.

I only wish Lennon and I could’ve gotten along under different circumstances. I know the majority of why we didn’t was on me, and if I could go back and change things, I would. Dealing with my feelings for her is something I was never able to fully process, but I’ve been able to hide them, shove them down as best as I can, and continue being the friend she needs right now. The guilt burns inside me, knowing how I’ve felt about her all this time, but I try to give myself a break, considering I never acted on them or would. Lennon is my best-kept secret.

At almost noon, I get a text message.

Mason

I was gonna stop over and bring Lennon some lunch. You think she likes Del Taco?

I laugh.

Hunter

Who doesn’t? She likes the beef and bean burritos.

Mason

Good to know. Thanks!

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