Page 168 of Between Hate and Desire

Shaking my head, I walk out of the kitchen. For the past week, she’s asked each day what I plan to change in the new year. The only thing that comes to mind is wanting to change our relationship status, but I don’t dare say that. I keep that buried deep inside next to the sounds of her moans as she comes. “Nope. I’m gonna be the same smart-ass I’ve always been. And I’m not dieting and already work out when I can. So I’m out of ideas. Did you think of yours?”

“Sleep,” she says without a beat. “And have more sex.”

My eyes meet hers. The air around us stills, and I clear my throat, only for her to laugh.

“Kidding. Jesus.” She sits on the couch and tucks her feet under her body as she enjoys her coffee. I’m forced to adjust myself because my mind goes back to that night when she begged me to touch her. Fuck me if I’m not reliving that moment right now, wanting to lay her down on the couch and give her everything her body begs for. We still haven’t talked about it mainly because I haven’t found a way to bring it up without it being awkward as hell. Maybe one day.

As I open my mouth to say something, Alison starts crying. Lennon lets out a sigh.

“I’ve got it,” I tell her.

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

When I walk in the room, I instantly know Alison needs a diaper change. The first time I changed it, I thought I was going to puke. Nothing’s worse than baby shit, and I don’t think anything could’ve prepared me for it. Or maybe I’m being dramatic about it. I watched a dozen YouTube tutorials by dads so I could learn how to do it correctly.

After Alison is changed, I carefully hold her and sit in the rocking chair. She’s so precious and loved by everyone already.

“Did you think of your New Year’s resolution?” I ask softly, laughing. We have chats all the time, and this little baby knows all my secrets.

“Really?” I ask as if she answered. “No more waking up in the middle of the night all year long? Wow, turning a new leaf so soon.”

I hear Lennon’s soft laughter in the doorway. She’s smiling, and I notice the sparkle in her eye when her gaze finds mine. “See, you’re the only one who’s not on board with resolutions.”

Lennon checks her phone. “Maybe I should go ahead and feed her since she’s awake.”

“Sounds good to me.”

Lennon holds out her arms, and I hand Alison over. Giving her privacy as she breastfeeds, I grab the clean clothes from the hamper and throw them on the couch. Turning on the TV, I notice the New Year’s Eve celebration has already begun and decide to text Hayden because I know he’s having a hell of a time being in the city with all those people right now.

Hunter

Surviving?

Hayden

KILL ME!

I burst out into laughter.

Hunter

Just saw the madness on TV. Holy shit. Times Square is packed as fuck.

Hayden

I can’t go anywhere. I’m basically trapped inside the apartment. Savannah planned a big party with all her theater people, and they’re going to be singing karaoke all night long. Seriously. Kill me.

Hunter

Better you than me. Happy New Year, bro. Next year is the wedding. Exciting things are happening.

Hayden

You too. Next year maybe you’ll grow some balls and ask Lennon out.

I roll my eyes.

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