Page 164 of Between Hate and Desire

“I can’t believe I’m going to meet her soon,” I say to Hunter once the room clears out. “It feels surreal.” He stands next to the bed, then bends down and kisses my forehead. “I’m scared,” I admit. “It’s so painful.”

“I know.” He brushes his hand across my cheek, then fixes the flyaway hairs on my face. I love when he does that. It’s comforting. “Brandon would be so excited. He’d be losing his damn mind,” Hunter tells me with a soft smile, and tears well in my eyes.

He knows I was thinking about Brandon and always knows what to say. I wish he were here to experience this with me, and I miss him so damn much, but knowing I’m about to have his baby gives me the strength to do this without him. Though I don’t always feel strong, and there are days I want to curl into a ball, I feel his presence. It gives me the comfort I need to keep moving forward.

Twenty minutes later, a crew comes in, ready to give me the epidural. I can already feel the contractions coming harder and faster. I try to catch my breath as I pant through them. Holy fuck.

As they explain the procedure, my eyes widen at the needle and the fact that I need to be completely still or I could get nerve damage or worse. I know the risks, but seeing and experiencing it is different than reading about it.

One of the nurses nearly folds me in half over the bed while I hold a pillow to my chest. Hunter’s standing next to her, looking concerned as hell, and though I can’t talk or move, I make eye contact with him to let him know I’m okay.

“You’re doing great. Almost done,” a nurse says.

I try to steady my breathing, and when the anesthesiologist tells me it’s in, and she just needs to tape it up, I release a relieved sigh.

The contractions that were about an eight out of ten on the pain scale earlier are now at a zero. So I take advantage of it and try to rest.

“Take my phone in case my sisters finally wake up and text me,” I say, handing it over.

“What’s your passcode? Is it still 6-6-6?” he asks smugly, reminding me of the time I freaked out on him after Brandon’s accident when he tried to get into my phone. I was mean as hell, but it didn’t stop him from being there for me at a time when I needed him the most.

“Har, har,” I mock. “It’s 0318.”

Hunter furrows his brows as if he’s trying to figure it out. I shrug. “The night we met. When Brandon and I started dating.”

“Oh.” He nods but doesn’t say anything else about it.

I rest my head on the pillow and enjoy the magic of drugs as another contraction hits, but I don’t feel it. A chair scratches the floor, and Hunter sits in it next to me. He takes my hand and holds it while I drift off to sleep.

A nurse wakes me up an hour later, and I look over and see Hunter fell asleep too. He’s hunched over, resting his head on his arm but still holding my hand. I feel bad for waking him, considering he’s been up since early this morning when he rushed me here.

I’m dilated to six centimeters now, which means I’m making progress. A nurse tells me to rest, and she’ll come back in a few hours, but if we need anything to push the call button.

I grab my phone from Hunter and see my sisters sent me half a dozen text messages each and called me three times.

“Hey, you were sleeping on the job,” I tease when he shifts in his seat.

“Shit, sorry.” He scrubs his hands over his face.

“It’s fine, don’t worry. Why don’t you go get some coffee while I call them?”

“Are you sure?” he asks as if he doesn’t want to leave me, which I find so damn sweet.

“Yes, I’ll be fine,” I reassure him. “She’s not coming for a few more hours at least.”

Though I can’t feel the contractions, there is a little tightness.

Once Hunter leaves, I call Sophie first, knowing she’s probably already on her way to pick up Maddie.

It rings once. “Soph is speeding, so you better be holding that baby girl inside your vagina!” Maddie says as soon as she picks up, confirming my suspicions.

“Well, tell her to slow down! I’m not even pushing the baby out yet.”

“Oh, thank God. Soph, you can slow down, geez!” she shouts.

“My baby needs her aunts in one piece, please.”

“We’ll be there in five minutes, less if Sophie blows this red light,” Maddie says.

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