Page 11 of Between Hate and Desire

“Don’t be. You know what her answer will be. And honestly, who cares what our parents or anyone else say? You know this is right. So do I. And I’m not a bit shocked.” I take the steps two at a time as I listen to Hayden’s plans. After I enter the apartment and drop my shit by the door, I hear Lennon singing in the kitchen and walk that way.

She has her headphones in, and she’s bobbing her head back and forth and shaking her hips. Either she hasn’t heard me come in yet or she’s ignoring me, so I walk past her, open the fridge, and grab myself a beer. Then I see a sandwich on the counter.

“You made me a PB&J sandwich?” I taunt Lennon, then grab it off the counter before she can stop me. “My favorite!” I take a huge bite and shoot her a wink.

“Hunter!” she squeals, slamming her hand down. “That was the last of the bread!”

“Good thing you’re going to the grocery store,” I say around a mouthful, walking into the hallway.

“Fucking seriously?” She’s seething, which has me smiling from ear to ear before I take another bite. “I wasn’t planning to go to the store yet!”

“Guess you have an excuse now,” I retort, not looking over my shoulder. I’m sure she’s glaring or giving me the finger. That’s her usual go-to move.

“Who’re you talking to?” Hayden asks.

“Satan.”

He bursts out laughing, knowing who I’m referring to.

“You two still fight like brother and sister?”

“Pfft. Worse.” I step into my bedroom and shut the door behind me, finishing off her perfectly made sandwich.

“When are you gonna get over your feelings for her? Don’t you think you’ve made both of your lives hell for long enough? Learn from my mistakes, bro…”

Hayden is only five years older than me, but I swear he’s an old soul. We’re the only two kids in the family. Our parents didn’t bother trying for a third after me, and it didn’t help that their relationship was always in the spotlight. My dad’s a piece of shit, but in public, he acts like Father of the Year.

As a California state senator, he has a picture-perfect image to uphold. I was the wild child who had him running to the doctor’s office, begging to get snipped. Though as I got older, I figured out it was so he couldn’t knock up any of his mistresses.

Hayden was more of a father figure to me than our dad ever was, and he tried to keep me grounded when I acted out for attention.

Needless to say, I never claimed to be an easy person to live with, and Hayden knows how I get. It doesn’t help that Lennon brings out this bitter side of me, and I want to make her life hell for forcing me to see her every goddamn day. I couldn’t give her what Brandon can anyway. For most of my life, I never met my father’s expectations with my grades, sports, and choices, and after living here and listening to her constant nagging, I know I would’ve never met hers.

It’s more than obvious that I would’ve never measured up to Brandon and his unconditional love for her since the very beginning. I pussyfooted around and didn’t make a move while he didn’t think twice about it. My hesitation came back to bite me in the ass, and now I have to live with that choice every day.

Brandon also eventually wants a family, and I have my own commitment issues to work through, which have only gotten worse since Lennon moved in. Though it fucking sucks she didn’t choose me, it’s probably for the best, or at least that’s what I keep telling myself. It could’ve ended badly with me hurting her, though I’d like to think I wouldn’t have. She’s a constant reminder that I’m not good enough and how I’ll never be.

“There are no feelings.” Lies.

“Yeah, and Donny’s my secret life partner,” he replies, cackling. “You aren’t fooling anyone, especially not me.”

Savannah’s gay best friend, Donny, insists on calling me Beefcake. At first, it was insulting, but now I know it’s a compliment coming from him.

“HUNTER!” Lennon slams her fist on the door. “Do you have to be an insensitive asshole?”

“Oh fuck.” Hayden laughs hysterically. “You really pissed her off this time.”

I roll my eyes as I take a swig of my beer. “What else is new?”

“Gonna let you deal with that. Call me later.”

“Will do.”

We say goodbye and hang up. I open my door with a shit-eating grin and wait for her to speak. Her face is beet red, with eyes narrowing in on me.

“Would it kill you, justonce, to be a decent human being? I was starving and wanted that damn sandwich!” She’s seething, and fuck if that doesn’t make me hard.

Tense as ever, I take a pull of my beer and watch her over the bottle. “Oh, was that sandwich for you?” I furrow my brows as if I’m genuinely confused. “Thought you were making that for me.” I shrug, knowing how angry she already is, but hell, I don’t care.

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