Page 72 of Bulletproof Love

Behind her empty expression, traces of her show through, and that’s enough to keep me going. She’s still in there. The little sister who switched my shampoo for toothpaste and hid rubber snakes in my bed. Who camped out in my closet for hours just to embarrass me when my girlfriend came over, jumping out and yelling boo. The Bailey who wanted to travel the world, teaching kids how to read.

Falin and Leon have been working nonstop. Barely taking breaks to eat or sleep. It’s not only Bailey’s life on the line, but countless others, and we have no idea where they are. We’re out of our league here. I’m pretty sure none of us expected this thing to be so huge, and fuck, I feel so helpless.

Falin’s at her desk, bleary-eyed after another sleepless night. I come up behind her, moving her hair aside to kiss her neck. She hums contentedly, continuing to tap away at her keyboard. “You’re distracting me.”

That’s the last thing I want to do, but I can’t help it. “I’m bored and you’re irresistible.”

She leans her head back to meet my gaze, and I kiss her plump lips. “The waiting is hard. Trust me, I get it. I’ll have something for us soon.” I kiss her again, pressing my tongue against the seam of her lips. When we break apart, her chest rises and falls rapidly. “You should go take a walk. Get some air. If you keep distracting me, I’m going to have to punish you.”

“Is that supposed to make me want to leave?” I tease. She raises her brow, setting her lips in a straight line. Falin’s way of saying get lost. “I’ll go grab sandwiches from the deli. Turkey and spicy mustard?”

“Yes, please. Spicy chips too. Do you need cash?” I shake my head, too proud to admit that funds are tight.

“I’ll be back soon.”

I make my way onto the busy sidewalk, dodging a woman pushing a stroller, and shimmying past a pair of tourists. It’s another unseasonably warm afternoon, and people are taking advantage of it.

I breathe in the scent of the city. Spices from the food cart around the corner, heavy perfume trailing from the person behind me, a subtle hint of smoke in the air. It’s a bummer that we haven’t had much time to enjoy being here. The endless possibilities of sights and experiences feels almost overwhelming. I picture Falin and me walking hand in hand, doing typical couple shit. Catching a show, grabbing dinner. Getting handsy in the back of a taxi. Hopping out in the village to drink at some tiny dive bar.

The scene is so vivid, I can reach out and touch us. Lost in thought, I bump into a guy on the corner. “Hey, watch where you’re walking! Putz!”

“Sorry, man.” I raise a hand in a show of goodwill, but he’s already crossing the street. Ah, gotta love New Yorkers.

I continue ahead, my body thrumming with pent up energy. If this street were clear I’d fucking sprint my way to the deli just to blow off some steam.

I need to take the edge off. To fuck or fight or?—

My phone buzzes from my pocket. I grab it, answering without looking at the number. “Hello?”

“I heard you were looking for some pinks?” An unknown voice makes me stop short. I move out of the way, looking at my phone. Shit. I grabbed my burner instead of my normal one.

“How’d you get this number?”

“Listen, do you want them or not?”

Saliva floods my mouth, as an ache hits me square in the gut. I close my eyes and flashes of using play through my mind. A full body shiver rolls through me. I swallow hard, yanking my hand through my hair. “Fuck, I?—”

“Texting you the spot. Be there in less than an hour.”

The line goes dead before I can respond.

When the text comes all I can do is stare at it. I stare so long that my eyes water and the words blur into a jumble of nonsense. The screen darkens and a flash of my reflection stares back at me. By then, I’ve already made my choice.

* * *

I waketo the setting sun burning my eyes, and my hand pressed against gritty, trash strewn sand. “What the hell?”

The sound of waves lapping against the shore mixes with distant voices and squawking seagulls. They circle overhead, drawn to the scattered remains of fast food and snack bags surrounding me. Dizziness hits as I push myself to a sitting position, broken glass crunching beneath my palms.

A fitting place to wake up after what I’ve done.

A few feet away, a dude higher than I’ve ever been nods off, barefoot in tattered clothes.

Is that what I’ll become?

Maybe it’s what I deserve. I sure as hell don’t deserve to go back home to Falin.

How long have I been here?

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