Page 87 of I'm Not in Love (I Promise)

“Not messed up at all. Nothing is black and white in this world. You’re allowed to mourn the brother you loved while also hating the evil man he became. Don’t lose yourself in this, Blake. Stay with me.”

She nods and buries her head in my chest, sobbing quietly. We stay like that for a long time until her skin pebbles with goosebumps. I quietly dress her and carry her back to the car, despite her insisting that she can walk.

Once we’re settled, I check my phone, finding a text from Leon with a new address. Turning to Blake, I ask, “How do you feel about checking the house for information? Maybe Brennan has something in his desk? Plus, this may be the last time we go there. You should have some of his things.”

It’s risky, but with this new development, we can’t just leave potential leads without checking first. The guys will be pissed at me for not including them, but this is as much about Blake getting closure as it is about searching Brennan’s belongings.

“I think I’m okay, but I don’t want to stay there for long. It’s Mischa’s house, which means it belongs to her family. It’s not safe for us.”

My chest swells with pride. “We’ll stop in for fifteen minutes, tops.” I show her the text from Leon. “It looks like they found us a temporary rental a few towns over. No more motel.”

“Thank God, that place gave me the creeps.” She turns up the radio and adds, “Let’s get this over with.”

CHAPTER 33

BLAKE

The next week floats by in a fog of restless sleep and blurred hours spent making phone calls and sorting paperwork. In our search of Brennan’s house, we found a life insurance policy with my name listed as the sole beneficiary. I struggled for a few days with whether or not I wanted anything to do with that money, but after taking a leave of absence from school and realizing I have nowhere to live and no money to support myself, I caved.

The first thing I’ll do with the funds is make a huge donation to a global foundation that fights to end human trafficking, only leaving myself with enough to get by until I figure out a plan.

While I was having a panic attack at the police station last week, Damon was setting up Brennan’s transfer to his colleagues’ funeral home. Yesterday, we went to pick up his ashes with a mold of his thumbprint in case I wanted to get a necklace made. His thoughtfulness brought me to tears again. Lately, tears seem constant—not just from the deep well of grief I’m drowning in, but also from the unspoken kindness of Damon, Falin, and the guys.

I thought Brennan was my only family, but I was wrong. I’m surrounded by more love than I could ever hope for. With time, I’ll get through this and come out stronger and smarter.

The place we currently call home is a quaint three-bedroom house at least five miles from civilization. Its siding is weathered and porch creaky, but I love the solitude. The interior looks as if it was decorated by an eclectic grandmother, with patchwork quilts and porcelain knickknacks. There’s even a faint scent of mothballs in the air. But it’s safe, and we’re together. That’s what matters most.

Sitting outside surrounded by tall grass and wildflowers, I watch a doe and her fawn nibble from a raspberry bush. It’s been a long time since I sat in nature this way, not worrying about which test I needed to study for, or when my next class would start. I haven’t even recited human anatomy in my head for weeks now. I’ve always wanted to be a doctor, and I know I will, but this is what I need. Time without planners and schedules. Space to process my feelings. Maybe even a little bit of danger to remind myself I’m alive.

The screen door creaks, scaring the deer away. I turn to find Damon lurking in the doorframe. “Can’t be a creepy stalker with a creaky door like that,” I tease.

He lets out a low chuckle. “Nothing a can of WD-40 won’t fix.”

Standing and stretching my arms above my head, I make my way over to him. “Jasper and Falin still arguing in there?”

“Of course. I swear if they’re not already fucking, it’s going to happen any day now.” He wraps his arms around me and kisses the top of my head.

“I don’t think he can handle her,” I joke.

His chest rumbles with laughter. “You’re probably right. He needs a kick in the ass though, so I approve.”

Leon’s voice calls from inside. “I found something. Get in here!”

Damon and I exchange surprised looks. We’ve all been pouring over every scrap of paper we found in Brennan’s office, plus Leon and Falin have been working to hack into his electronics. Sadly, the only thing he had at the house was an older laptop. I assume most of his personal effects were at an office somewhere.

We hurry inside and find Leon actually grinning. I hadn’t seen anything but a scowl on his face since the warehouse. Falin sits beside him and asks, “Did you do what I said?”

He barely moves his head, but she registers the slight nod. “Yeah, and I added this here.” He points to his screen, where multiple programs are running at once.

“Well, what is it?” Damon asks, crouching to get a better look at the screen.

“How do you all feel about New York City?” Leon asks.

I glance around the room at each of their faces. Jasper’s eyes widen. Falin smirks like she won a medal. Damon tenses his jaw. I’m the first one to speak. “Let’s do it. If it brings us closer to taking these monsters down and finding Jasper’s sister, then I’m all for it.”

Damon turns to me, his brows furrowed. “Are you sure? That’s a big change and with everything that’s happened…”

“You heard the woman,” Falin says, her tone enthusiastic. “We’re moving to the city.”

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