Page 69 of I'm Not in Love (I Promise)

Loneliness.

Heartache.

Insecurity.

But when I met you, saw the darkest parts of you, I knew I wasn’t the only soul who felt the same ache and pain. We may be different on so many levels, but in here, we’re the same.” I rest my palm against his heart, feeling its steady rhythm. “I’m not going anywhere, okay? But this isn’t me pressuring you to do anything differently. I’m happy like this, right now, under the stars with you.”

He cups my cheek as he inches forward, claiming my lips with a searing kiss. He pulls back, brushing kisses down the slope of my neck. “We were made for each other. I’ve never known something more than I know that. You and me, we’re it. We’re forever, Blake.”

“Yes,” I murmur as an ache grows in my core. “Forever.”

“Remember you said that,” he says, planting one more kiss along my collarbone, and brushing my hard nipple with the pad of his thumb. He sits back on his knees and pulls his phone from his pocket. “When I asked you about Trevor,” he begins, causing the blood in my veins to run cold. I focus on his lips moving, forcing myself to stay present. “Blake, I found him. I-I couldn’t let him go on living a normal life after what he did to you.”

“What did you do?” I ask, my voice trembling.

“We ruined him, baby. He was working at your old high school, day to day around kids the same age that you were. We made sure he’ll never work around kids again. Here, take a look.”

My stomach churns, but I take his phone with shaking hands and can’t believe what I’m looking at. It’s Trevor, much older and thinner than I last saw him, propped up against a gym locker. He has a sign settled in his lap that reads:My name is Trevor Matlin and I’m a pedophile. An abuser who preys onyoung kids.I blink and read it again while tears form in the corner of my eyes. “I don’t understand.”

“Leon posted this to all the social media accounts in the school district and sent it to every email account in their database. He’s cooked. There’s no way that man will get away with what he’s done. And if that’s not enough, I have something else. Your real gift.” He stands and pulls me by the hand. “I set this up last night while you and Falin were asleep. Didn’t want you to see it and ruin the surprise.”

We walk deeper into the clearing, the only light guiding our way comes from Damon’s phone and the slivers of moonlight cutting between branches. He stops and points ahead about ten feet in front of us. I narrow my eyes and make out a human torso. “Is that a dummy? Like the kind they use in karate classes?”

“Something like that,” he says, taking both my hands in his. “I wanted you to have some closure. A way to channel some of that festering pain and when you said the thing about the tattoo, I knew what I wanted to do.”

He leads me forward, closer to the dummy. I can hardly hear my footsteps crushing dried leaves over my harsh, rapid breaths. “Oh, my God,” I choke out. Stretched and pinned like some kind of twisted canvas, is Trevor’s flayed skin. His barbed wire heart that’s haunted my dreams since I was fourteen hangs dead center on the dummy’s chest. “That’s—that’s what I think it is?”

“Yes. Don’t worry, we didn’t kill him, although I wanted to. If I could have carved out a pound of flesh for every year of peace he stole from you I would have, but Jasper made sure I kept my cool.”

This is what he calls keeping his cool?

“I don’t know what to say,” I whisper through chattering teeth. Seeing that photo, the flesh of the man who took everything from me, it’s too much. I turn my back and bury myface in my palms, forcing slow, deep breaths in through my nose. Damon rushes to me, pulling me into his warm embrace. I draw in his scent through my nostrils—mint and wood smoke. It helps to quiet my unsettled thoughts.

“Shh, it’s alright, baby. I’m here, I’ve got you. I’ll never let anything happen to you again.” We stay cloaked in the comfort of each other’s bodies, rocking side by side for a long time. Long enough for my breathing to slow and the storm clouds in my head to dissipate. He steps back, his hand still firm on my shoulders. “Do you trust me?”

It only takes a moment for me to think that question over before I nod slowly. How I’ve come to trust the man who first kidnapped me at gunpoint is something I’ll one day ponder on a therapist’s couch, but right now, tonight, he’s one of the only people I trust.

He reaches behind his back and pulls out his pistol, keeping it aimed at the ground. “Have you ever handled a weapon before?”

I shake my head. “Never.”

“Would you like to? I also have this.” He pulls out a switchblade from his pocket. “I think it would be freeing for you to get it out. If you want to?”

My eyes dart between Damon’s hands and the dummy. I force myself to look at that tattoo, feel the pain and remember the tears shed. Rage boils deep inside me like a powder keg ready to erupt and with a shaking hand, I grab the switchblade from Damon.

My eyes are fixed straight ahead, as my feet travel the distance like disembodied parts. My muscles shake with barely contained energy, one small out of place motion and I’ll combust. I clench my fist around the knife’s handle as the skin of the monster who ruined me comes into focus. All sights and sounds around me dull, and I let loose a scream from therecesses of my chest. My arm flies up and slams its way down, piercing the dummy again and again. “You piece of shit! Don’t you know the word no? Why? Why me? Why did you do it? I loved you! I fucking loved you!” I scream and sob, impaling the knife into his skin until I can’t see through the tears in my eyes.

Damon catches me as I’m about to collapse, wrapping his hand around the knife and tossing it aside. He cradles me in his arms and carries me back to the fire, murmuring words of praise with each step. “You’re incredible. I’m so proud of you, Angel. Shh, it’s okay.”

Time passes in his arms until I’m finally calm enough to speak. “That was cathartic,” I say, lifting my head from his shoulder. “Thank you.”

“I didn’t want to force you to do it, but I was hoping you would.” He glances toward the clearing. “You did a number on the dummy over there. Doc stabs like a champ.”

Wiping my eyes, I manage a small smile. “I guess I’ll be able to cut it as a surgeon.”

“Nice pun,” he says. His long fingers stroke the escaped pieces of my hair.

“I just hope Bryan wouldn’t be disappointed in me,” I say, glancing up at the night sky. “I never told my family when it was happening. Bryan loved Trevor too much. They were together all the time, even had plans to get a place. All that changed when Bryan started using. I’m not even sure if Trevor stuck around. I kept myself away from home as much as I could. Extracurriculars, babysitting jobs, volunteering on the weekends. Anything to keep me from facing him or seeing the disappointment in their eyes. It’s funny how you can be infatuated with a person one day and the next…” I trail off. I’ve said more than enough already.

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