Page 40 of I'm Not in Love (I Promise)

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

DAMON

I watchBlake sleep peacefully for about an hour before I tuck her in and leave. It’s not that I don’t want to curl up with her and get some shut eye. I do, so fucking badly, but I can’t stop the racing thoughts.

Blake didn’t have to spell out what happened to her. What she told me was more than enough. I laid there, seeing Blake’s tear-streaked face behind my closed lids, and knew I wouldn’t rest until I made it right.

My headlights reflect on the rain-soaked street when I pull up to the apartment. The rain’s lightened up, thankfully. Leaving Blake’s warmth was tough enough, but going out into the rain again made it that much harder. I inhale the comforting smell of wet leaves and damp earth. It takes me back to playing in the woods as a kid. My mom would hand me a cup of Kool-Aid and lock the door behind me, telling me not to come back until the sun went down.

I never had many friends back then; we moved around too much. Different towns and different junkie boyfriends. They’d doctor hop, using a bullshit injury to get their fix of oxys, untilthose sources ran dry. My friends became the salamanders I’d catch underneath soggy logs or the stray cats I’d steal cans of tuna to feed.

Most kids would hate getting locked out of the house the way I did. But not me. I preferred to be out there instead of trapped inside while they were high. I still prefer the outdoors to any four walls.

My life changed the moment I met Jasper, one hot summer day catching crawdads in a murky stream. We were fourteen, both awkward ass kids. Jasper hadn’t gotten contacts yet, or discovered the power of weightlifting. I was even scrawnier than him, but I’d gone through a growth spurt that year and none of my clothes fit. The first thing he said to me was, “Hey, did you raid my sister’s closet for those shorts?”

After that, we spent the whole summer together. I ate meals at his house. Slept over most nights too. The Shea’s took me in, and by the time my mom was ready to leave town, I begged her to let me stay. I couldn’t move again, not after I finally had somewhere to belong.

I’d put up too much of a fight while she was coming down from a week-long bender. With shaking hands, she patted me on the shoulder, got into her waiting cab, and left me. I only found out that she died a few years later, from the cops going through her stuff and finding an old report card. I’d gotten straight A’s. They tracked me down and left the information with my high school guidance counselor.

None of that matters now. I didn’t need to go inside all fucking sad and nostalgic while Leon was keeping a keen eye on me. Pulling myself together, I peek into Dolores’s window and see her TV on—some soap opera looking show. Smiling to myself, I get ready to deal with the guys.

I have accomplishments to focus on.

Getting Leon to help me find this Trevor guy.

Hiring the private investigator to take over some of my responsibilities.

And sneaking off to make Trevor pay.

Nothing to it.

I realizeit’s long after midnight when I walk inside and find Leon asleep on the couch, laptop open on the coffee table. Jasper’s in a similar state, except his computer is showing the “Are you still watching this?” screen and his hand is in a bag of chips.

Quietly, I shut his screen and pull the open chip bag away from his bed. I guess I’m a mama bear tonight, tucking everyone in nice and cozy. I hope Blake’s still sound asleep.

There’s slim pickings in the fridge, but I luck out in the freezer and find a microwavable burrito. It’ll have to do. Once it’s ready, I take it into my room along with Leon’s laptop and settle in on my bed.

“Alright, motherfucker. Let’s see if I can find you.” Between bites of burrito, I scroll different social media profiles and Google listings. Using the information I know about Blake’s past, I’m able to somewhat narrow it down, but I’ll admit that I’m kind of shit at this sort of thing.

I try different combinations on the search bar.Trevor, band, Oak Falls, NY.That brings up a bunch of useless shit.Next,I try the name of her high school and the year I assume he graduated, according to the age difference Blake mentioned.Trevor, Oak Falls High School, Class of 2013.A few different articles about the school pop up but nothing that mentions a Trevor, unless she was talking about a janitor named Trevor who won employeeof the year for the district. He’s not a complete rule-out, but he wouldn’t be my first suspect.

Fuck, I feel like damn Sherlock Holmes. How the hell does Leon do this all day? About to give up, I hop on Facebook and search for anyone who graduated that year from Blake’s school. Thoughts of her face keep popping in my head, how broken she must have felt. I want to throw the computer against a wall.

Time for a smoke break.

Leaning against the front steps, I take a drag and blow the smoke out slowly. It does little to calm me. At this point I know there’s only one thing that will.

A dark colored car with tinted windows drives by and maybe it’s my imagination but it seems like it slows as it passes. I shake off the prickly sensation that crawls up my skin. I’m just cold. The temperature’s dropped since I got home and I’m out here in a T-shirt.Real smart.Still, I keep my eyes pinned on the vehicle until it’s completely out of sight.

I wake up to Jasper standing over me. Hell, I don’t even remember falling asleep. “Late night?” he asks. “Hope you didn’t download any more sus porn onto Leon’s computer again. He’ll fucking beat your ass.” He grabs the laptop and clicks a few buttons. “Damn, I was secretly hoping you did so I could see him kick your ass. I’m bored as hell.”

I grab my extra pillow and toss it at him. “Get out.”

It would be a miracle if he actually listened. “What do you got going on today? I just finishedDeath Noteagain. I think this was my third rewatch. No, wait, maybe the fourth. Anyway, I had this dream, I found a Death Note and had a hot anime girlfriend and I was?—”

“If I buy you food, will you shut up?” I groan against my pillow. I love Jasper but holy hell, he’s annoying sometimes.

I can tell I’ve caught his interest. I push up onto my elbows and he’s already out of the room.

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