Page 39 of I'm Not in Love (I Promise)

My lips turn down and eyes widen. I don’t want to know.

He takes his time with the restraints, gliding his palms over my skin until I’m aching all over again. Particularly when he traces the path to my ankles with his tongue.

Breathe, Blake.Do not jump this man.

Stretching out until my muscles pull in painful pleasure, I turn to him and say, “Thank you.”

“You’re really playing it up for me,” he says.

“What do you mean?”

“The whole sweet angel bit. Thank you, the cheese grin, theonly with you.” He chuckles dark and low. “I know there’s a devil lying in wait. So go ahead sweetheart, make me fall even harder for you.”

I can tell I’m blushing. I only hope he can’t see. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Back to what you said before. Who do I have to kill?” The way he can go from flirty to lethal in the span of seconds is all sorts of terrifying.

I sigh, not wanting to get into the story. What will it accomplish to dredge up shit that happened ten years ago? Damon’s clenching his jaw so hard it could crack steel, so I know I need to give him something. “It was a long time ago.”

“And? I don’t care if it was twenty years ago. Tell me. Was it Ethan?”

I clutch my pillow to my chest and flip to my side. “No, Ethan’s an ass but he’s never actually hurt me.”

“Then who?”

I close my eyes and imagine the last time I saw him. The long strands of black hair that hung over his narrow face, gaunt from drugs. His stupid chest tattoo—a heart with barbed wire. Bryan and him got their first ones together and thought they were so cool.

He always smelled like a Spencer’s store mixed with menthol cigarettes. I stopped shopping there after everything happened. If I focus hard enough, I can feel the pain of him sinking into me… The bite of his fingernails against my flesh. The way the restraints clinked against my old metal bed frame, like warning bells.

“He was my brother's friend, five years older than me. They were in a band together and I looked at him like he was a god. He had this laugh that you could recognize across a crowded room. Everyone loved him. I thought I did too.”

Damon pulls my head into his lap and I shiver when I feel how damp his jeans are. It doesn’t matter. I’ll take the comfort, wet pants or not. He pulls my hair tie out and strokes the loose strands. His fingers are magic.

“What’s his name?” he asks.

I’m hesitant to utter it. It wouldn’t be that difficult to find him. Falin and I did a few years ago, one drunken night in college when I told her everything. I know Damon won’t relent though, so I take a breath and release it. “Trevor.”

“Trevor, what? I need a last name, baby.”

I shake my head. If I give that out, I know he’ll find him. As much as I hate Trevor for what he did and how he ruined me, he was Bryan’s best friend. Bryan wouldn’t want anything to happen to him.

“I can’t,” I say. “You don’t understand.” He quietly strokes my hair; the only sound is the rain against the window. If this is a tactic to get me to talk, it won’t work. He doesn’t ask anymorequestions but scoots lower against the bed. “You’re not going to ask what happened?”

“No, I don’t need the details unless you want to tell me. I know enough to assume.”

I think about his words and appreciate him more and more. Most people want every detail, relish in any drama they can get their hands on. “What if I say he stole my box of crayons in school? Or took my lunch money?”

Damon chuckles. “I’d still kill him.”

“You’re unhinged, Freddy.”

His body sags as his breathing slows. “Still Freddy, huh? I guess I should stop by the Halloween store and grab a glove and a striped sweater.”

“Yup. With you in my life, I’ll never sleep again.”

“For all the best reasons… I can promise that. Not tonight though, you’re still in trouble. No getting yourself off either. I’ll know.”

I can’t see how he’d know if I masturbate in the privacy of my room, but somehow I believe him. “Power trip,” I say under my breath. My heavy eyelids fall and the last thing I remember is his breathy chuckle before I pass out.

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