Page 12 of I'm Not in Love (I Promise)

He doesn’t hesitate, just shoves his jeans down to his ankles and kneels in front of me. I reach for him, craving connection. Warm body against warm body. That’s all this is. No feelings, only need.

Slowly, I slide my hands under his shirt and run my fingernails over his sensitive skin until he hisses in a breath. I’mdesperate for him to reciprocate. Touch me, anywhere, in any way.

But he doesn’t.

He lunges forward, hovering over my body, and glides the head of his cock over my wet slit. I gasp and buck my hips, attempting to give myself the pressure I crave. When I reach to touch myself, Ethan grabs my hand and holds it above my head while he jerks his cock inside me.

I close my eyes and retreat into the safe space in my mind. If I try hard enough, maybe I can feel good with Ethan. At least sex is easy with him. Comfortable, if dull. But dull can be a positive thing sometimes.

While he pumps his hips, realization hits me and I tense my muscles. “Wait, did you bring a condom?”

Mid-thrust, he stops and curses. “No. Why would I?”

He starts to press into me again but I lurch backwards, knocking him off-balance. “We can’t do this. Not without protection.”

“Fuck.” He kneels and takes a few deep breaths before moving toward me. “You can’t leave me like this, Bee. Come on, baby. Look at what you do to me.” He strokes his cock and gazes at me with hooded, expectant eyes.

I know what he wants from just that look. Even as he climbs off the bed and lines his swollen cock up with my mouth. “Suck it, baby. You’re so good with that mouth.”

Every bit of romantic feeling that was bubbling in my chest falls flat the second he pushes his cock past my lips. I want to shove him away. To bite it. To make him hurt.

But of course, I don’t.

I open wide and he rams his cock to the back of my throat, pumping himself in and out like I’m nothing more than a hole to be filled. “Yes, fuuuck, Bee. Suck it, baby. Hollow your cheeks.”

Tears leak down my face as his cock hits the back of my throat again and again. I pump the base of his dick with my fist, wanting to finish him quicker. To be done with him tonight.

“Goddamn, baby.” He pulls himself out to the tip and pushes back in, making me gag. Images of him with that undergrad fill my mind. The way her head was thrown back as she rode him. The look in his eyes before he realized I’d come into the room. The sounds they made. His grunts reminded me of a feral pig. The same grunts he let loose now.

Screwhim.

I yank my head back and shove him off me at the same time, grinning as he stumbles on his ass.

“What the fuck?” he spits. “Bee, I was about to come.”

“You have a hand. Finish yourself off.” I smile in triumph as I wipe my mouth and grab my clothes.

“You’re a real bitch lately, you know that?” He fists his cock, jerking it hard and fast, filling my bedroom with his groans. “This what you want, Bee? To make me suffer?”

With one last thrust his body trembles and he comes, shooting onto my comforter. I watch him hold his dick and catch his breath, pissed that as much as I hate him, seeing him finish himself turned me on.

“You should go,” I say. I need time to dissect what the hell tonight was and if I was being honest, I needed to make myself come after being left high and dry.

He pulls his pants up and tucks his softening cock away. “Yeah, I’ll go.” Hesitating for a moment, he adds, “Are we still going to the gala next week?”

My eyes roll of their own accord. “Yes, I said I would go so I’ll go.”

He inclines his chin and leaves without another word.

While I lie in my bed, equally frustrated and angry, my phone pings.

Ethan: I’m sorry, Bee. I want us to go back to how we were but I get that you’re not ready. I’ll make it up to you tomorrow.

I reread the message a few times, sitting with his words. I have no idea what to feel anymore. Do I want what he wants? To go back to how things were when I’m not sure they were working to begin with.

I pull off my sweats and get ready for bed. Ethan’s cum spot is half dry on my black bedding by the time I wipe it down with a damp cloth. Nothing about seeing it there is sexy. Not anymore.

Clouds shift in the dark sky, to reveal the shining half-moon. Its light casts a pearly glow into my window. I close my eyes and rub my clit until I come. It’s quick and efficient. As my eyes flutter open, I swear I see a shadow shift outside my window. My pulse quickens as I dart to a sitting position and grab my phone.

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