Sophie was reeling, but she focused on what she most needed answers for. “But I don’t remember that happening. You were always home. Separate from Dad and his job functions, except for those big social events.”
“I was not up to the task physically or emotionally. Alas.”
“So, your depression was real.”
“It was, particularly after you were born. I was not suited to be a mother.” The cold precision of Pim Wat’s words made Sophie’s heart lurch, again. “So we had to adopt a new plan. My brothers sanctioned our divorce. We allowed your father to think you were his, that he controlled what happened to you, by sending you to that boarding school in Geneva to be westernized. But I found a use for you, eventually. We needed an alliance with Hong Kong. Assan Ang was the key to increased commerce between Hong Kong and Thailand.” Pim Wat set aside the newspaper. She sighed, fiddling with her cane. Sophie sneaked a glance. Her mother’s face was smooth, her skin a glowing honey color. Her hands, holding the cane, were gloved in silk. Those hands had never worked a day of manual labor in their life. “I thought Assan would be good for you. An older man, suave and experienced. He would protect you, and show you the world. Take care of you. I did not know what he was.” For the first time, real regret colored her mother’s voice.
“Maybe I didn’t need or want to be taken care of, Mother. Maybe I wanted to grow into who I was and be loved for who I was.” Sophie’s voice sounded husky, filled with sorrow. She cleared her throat. “I have fought hard for that.”
“You have been in America too long. All of these ideas about self this and self that . . . So much pop psychology. What matters is family. Security. Belonging.”
“And you have provided none of those things for me, Mother.”
Sophie turned completely away from Pim Wat, and now faced the dogs. A long moment passed. The newspaper rustled behind Sophie as she stared blindly at the animals.
Tank and Ginger lay close, their legs entwined, licking each other’s faces.
She flashed to the men in her life, each of them so different, each of them nurturing some part of her. Alika, with his total acceptance and unconditional support, always challenging her to be her best. Jake with his intensity, energy and passion, spurring her into danger and risk, but caring for and protecting her too. And Connor. Connor, who was the most like her, as she was coming to know herself: dedicated, perfectionistic, a man whose disciplined body expressed his aesthetic, a brilliant loner who lived by his own rules and had chosen her alone to trust.
Would she ever be able to choose one of them, and settle into a quiet, contented life?
Pim Wat spoke again. “I thought to presume upon the duty of a daughter to her mother. But I see that the years have stolen our connection. So, I speak to you now on behalf of your government. You are needed by your country to help defend against criminals who are attacking us from within the cyber world.”
“I do not know what you are even talking about, Mother.” Sophie frowned. “Are you offering me a job?”
“I’m asking you to join the Yam Khûmk?n, an ancient organization that protects the royal family of Thailand. We have been in place for millennia, and we need your skills.”