Page 59 of Wired Justice

“You signed the confidentiality paperwork yourself. You are as protected as I can make this. I won’t take any notes on this topic. In fact, if you would like to see my notes after the session, you are welcome to.”

“I trust you, Dr. Wilson. And that’s what I’m going to tell you: my first lover after Assan was a cyber vigilante mastermind who calls himself the Ghost.”

“That’s quite an opening line, Sophie!” Dr. Wilson smiled. “Where have you been all my life! I should pay you to talk to me, because of how interesting all this is!”

“I’m glad I could provide amusement. I myself have found the situation less entertaining.” Sophie told Dr. Wilson the series of events that had led to her involvement with the Ghost.

“That’s quite a tale, and I can see why it would put a damper on your belief in your own judgment. But on the other hand, Connor seems to have genuine feelings for you. You two were caught in a moral dilemma that separated you. He seems to have been quite a remarkable man, as are Jake and Alika. If anything, your problem is that you have too many great choices.”

“I have to agree. And this is why I don’t want to be in a relationship with anyone right now. I just don’t think I know what or who is good for me in the long run. But in the short term, I like having sex with Jake. It makes me feel better.”

Dr. Wilson muffled a snort of laughter behind her hand. She dabbed her eyes with a tissue and composed herself. “Don’t blame you a bit for that. Good sex is definitely an activity that can help battle depression. I just worry that it will lead to . . . hurt feelings. On either end.”

“Oh, I already know Jake has other women. On our last job he was sleeping with Antigua, the estate manager.” Sophie remembered the breathless feeling she’d had when Antigua told her the two were physically involved. “I didn’t like hearing it, but mostly I think because he didn’t tell me; Antigua did. And I was with Connor then. Now . . . I have to trust that Jake is okay with our arrangement and will not be too possessive. He says it is okay.” She sighed. “And I still have feelings for Alika. He came back into my life on my last job.” She described the series of events on Kaua’i. “We kissed. But never agreed upon anything further. I got the feeling, though, that he still cares for me. Always has, even though we broke up.”

“One of the things you said was that you didn’t think you would have gotten involved with the Ghost if your relationship with Alika had worked out. What if that changed? Why don’t you tell me more about Alika and how he was and is different than Jake?”

“Alika is different because first he was my coach and my friend. I was always attracted to him; anyone would be. He is a beautiful man inside and out. But for the longest time, I didn’t know he thought anything of me beyond friendship and our coaching relationship. Alika is restful. He makes me feel safe. He is sexy and attractive, but in a different way than Jake or Connor. Each man has his own unique presence that seems to bring out something different in me.”

“You seem to think you should decide right away who to be with. Maybe you are still recovering from Assan . . . and are still too damaged by what happened with him to really know.”

“I don’t think so.” The more Sophie thought about it, the more certain she became. “I have been out from under Assan for five years. Yes, he attacked me and the men I was dating, but ultimately, I beat him. This is different. It’s about who I am becoming, and who is right for me, not just now but in the future. Only I have no idea what that future will be, and I’m still trying to discover who I am, away from Assan and his shadow.”

“So trust that the men in your life are big boys. They will choose their own responses to your honesty about what’s going on for you.”

“But it is very stressful not knowing. I don’t want to break anyone’s heart. Mine was broken when Alika was beaten, and again when I thought Connor was dead.” Sophie spat the word out in remembered pain. “Connor let me think he was dead! How could he do that?”

“Why did he do that?”

“He said it was so that we could get a fresh start without each other, since the Ghost’s mission was separating us. He said letting me think he was dead seemed kinder than breaking up because of his ideals. And then he found he missed me too much, and he wanted me to forgive him. I cannot.” Sophie’s lips felt numb as rage at the betrayal coursed through her body. “I will never trust him again. And yet . . . I reached out to him because of this case.”

“Oh really?” Dr. Wilson got up and went to the small fridge in the corner of the room. She removed two water bottles and handed one to Sophie. “Go on.”

Sophie told Dr. Wilson about the discovery of the body dump in Kalapana. “The detectives confirmed that the family I found was in Witness Protection. They were cut out of the case, but there is a leak in that organization that’s leading to the assassination of witnesses. Connor loves that kind of case, and can do more to fix it than anyone else. He just texted me that he was working on it. Wanted me to call him to get information for the detectives.”

“So he is using the situation with you reaching out to him to gain personal contact with you. I want to challenge you that some part of you knew it when you contacted him. Knew that, and wanted that involvement.”

“Perhaps.” Sophie didn’t want to go there. “More occurred today. Ginger found the body of our client.”

“No wonder you haven’t had time to research your mother! Good Lord, woman.” Dr. Wilson took a dramatic swig from her water bottle. “I’m exhausted just hearing all of this. How did that come about?”

Sophie told her. “Ginger found the bones of another victim, too. The investigators are treating the stream as if it might be another dump site.”

Dr. Wilson frowned at the clock. “I’m sorry, Sophie, I could talk with you all day and it wouldn’t be enough—but I have another client coming. Can we meet again tomorrow? I would like to keep our momentum. I’m sure I can bill some of this to Security Solutions as post-trauma counseling, if that’s a concern. I do contract work for them on occasion.”

“That would be fine.” They set a time for the next day.

“I can hardly wait for the next installment of As Sophie’s World Turns. Please, try to find out more about your mother and her organization before our next meeting. Don’t let all of this other stuff distract you, and believe me, it may feel more compelling to you, more immediate. But the situation with your mother really requires some deeper exploration, and I encourage you not to shy away from that. When did she say she needed an answer?”

“She said she would wait to hear from me. She gave me a phone number.” That number seemed to be burned in glowing digits into Sophie’s memory. “You are right. I wish to avoid everything to do with my mother.”

“But I will help you. Together, we can navigate this. And your love life, too.”

Sophie hugged the psychologist spontaneously as they headed for the door. “Thank you. I feel less alone.”

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