Page 59 of His Hold

Tears sting my eyes, but I only nod. Because I believe him. Even if he doesn’t believe in himself.

“God—I’d be crazy to ever leave. Okay? I’m just…I have never felt this way for someone. I’m usually careful. I don’t do relationships because that’s vulnerability I cannot afford, but with you, I don’t care about being vulnerable. I only care about protecting you.”

“But you protect me.”

“I’m not naive to believe that my world isn’t dangerous. It is, trust me. I want you to be careful because…I don’t think…I care too much about you.”

“I love you,” I whisper.

But his frown nearly upsets the balance. I’ve been able to name what I feel for him, which is more courage than I usually have, and I’m still waiting to hear it back.

“I love you, Nikolai,” I try again. “Maybe more than I probably should.”

“Do you really?” He asks in a strangled breath. “Say it again. I want to hear you say it louder.”

So, I do. “I love you, Nikolai Ramensky. I am absolutely, completely in love with you.”

He pulls me to his body and kisses me. Pleasure shoots through me in a thousand ways just as he lifts me up from the floor and sets me on the kitchen sink. From the glass window, I can see the garden and all the flowers in bloom. I can see some of his guys, all dressed in black, waiting with their guns poised. If one of them turns, they’ll see us, but I don’t care. I’m here with the man I love.

I help to pull down his jacket. I trace his tattoos with my hands, even though I can’t take my time to enjoy them now. He smiles down at me, understanding that I’m trying to gain control, and letting me do it regardless.

“I want this,” he says, tearing off my shirt with animalistic urgency. “I need this.”

I drag my hands up his body, fighting to be rid of the shirt. “Take it off,” I moan. “I want to feel your body on mine right now.”

He takes the shirt off quickly and with such efficiency, I’m left dazzled. He works the snap of my bra, throws it away and shimmies my skirt off. My panties come down next until I’m left completely naked to him. For the briefest of moments, I let myself feel embarrassed. He can see the small scar on my left rib cage from when I’d fallen from a bike when I was ten. He can see the freckles on my body, the birthmark I don’t think I like—everything.

I reach to close my hands in front of my chest but he pushes them away. “You’re gorgeous.”

I blush hard in response. Nikolai spreads my legs open without warning and stands between my thighs. He cups my breasts before sighing in astonishment. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.”

“Nikolai…”

He flicks my nipples. Pinches. Then, he inclines his head, bows down, and takes a hard nipple into his mouth. I arch my back to welcome him once his wet tongue begins lapping at the sensitive bud. “Ah…so good…”

With the free hand, he teases my other nipple, and I moan loudly as goose bumps rise up my skin. From the open windows, I catch one of the guys staring. He quickly looks away, embarrassed. I, on the other hand, feel as though my world has just been opened up. “Ohhh…baby…mmmm.”

Finally, he straightens and looks me clearly in the eyes. “Are you ready for me, baby? Ready to take my cock? I’m hard for you…”

“Yes!”

In one brutal thrust, he buries his cock inside me and fills my hole up. Tears well up in my eyes as a result because, damn it, I think he’s ruined me for all of eternity. And I like it.

“Fuck—you’re so tight,” he growls, his voice dripping with obsession. He makes another sound resembling a deep, guttural moan before pulling out of me. He thrusts in at once again, more viciously and I gasp in surprise, my body jolting against the sink. “Say it, Katya. Say you’re nothing without me.”

I choke on the words, my throat tight, but he slams into me again, deeper, and I break. “I’m nothing without you,” I whimper, voice trembling, my nails raking down his back, drawing blood.

“Again,” he snarls, his hand sliding up to my throat, fingers wrapping around my neck, squeezing just enough to blur the edges of my vision. “Say you were made for me.”

“I was made… you,” I gasp, the air thinning, my head spinning as he fucks me harder, the edge of the sink biting into my thighs. I can barely breathe, but the pressure, the brutality—it’s everything I didn’t know I craved.

“More,” he demands, tightening his grip, his hips slamming into me with savage force, his cock stretching me past what I thought I could take. “Say you’ll never get over me.”

“I’ll never get over you,” I sob, my voice breaking as my body shakes under him, teetering on the edge of collapse. I’m dizzy, lightheaded, my pulse hammering against his hand, but I need it—this filthy, unhinged spiral we’re trapped in. I dig my fingers down into his back, unsure where I ended and Nikolai began. I come in a matter of a few seconds. My head spins as I scream out, vaguely aware of him whispering words to me in Russian, his voice a grasping growl against my ear. When the orgasm rolls off me and I come down to earth, I kiss him, desperate, hungry, tasting the sweat and sin on his lips.

“You belong with me forever, Krasivaya!” I mutter against the sweetness of his lips, my voice ragged. “I’m never letting you go. You’re my end and my beginning!”

“Don’t think I’m ever going to leave you either. Do you hear me?” His hand stays on my throat, a claim, a chain. A prison I’m happy in.

---