Page 18 of His Hold

“That’s your problem.” She snapped. “You’ve always had to be the hero. The good girl. The perfect little sister with her perfect little life. Always hovering, always judging.”

“I’m not judging you!” I shouted. “I’m trying to understand why you’re sabotaging everything good in your life. Why are you lying to me?”

“Because it’s none of your damn business!” Irina’s words lashed out like a whip. “You’re always so quick to tell me how I’m ruining my life. But you’re just as messed up as I am. You hide behind your stupid rules and your perfect routine, but you’re empty, Katya. You’ve always been empty. And you hate me for not being as miserable as you.”

“That’s not true,” I whispered, stunned. But she kept going, eyes wild, voice unraveling.

“You’re the most unreliable person I’ve met, Katya. Never fully here. Always one foot out the door. You never stay. Not really. And you resent me for trying to find something real. Something bigger than this empty, careful existence you cling to like it’ll save you.”

The words hit harder than they should have. Because somewhere deep down, I knew she was right. About my detachment. My fear of trusting anyone completely. But her cruelty overshadowed any truth.

“You’re insane. And pathetic. Anton’s going to find out what a liar you are, and when he leaves, you’ll have no one left. Not even me.”

Irina flinched, her anger splintering into something like pain. But she masked it quickly and folded her arms tightly across her chest.

“You think it’s so easy, don’t you? Just picking up your life and moving on. Starting fresh. You've got to run away, Katya. I’m just starting my life. Just having a breather.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I stayed! When Dad left Mom, I stayed. And who got to go live with Dad in his fancy condo downtown? You. And who stayed behind with Mom, watching her spiral, while you played the golden child, soaking up all the attention? You never even came to her first chemo sessions. Hell, you didn’t even know about them until she was already dying. I was the one who had to handle Mom falling apart. I was the one dealing with her breakdowns, the doctor’s appointments, and the bills she couldn’t pay. Rent. Groceries. I was practically drowning, Katya. You've got to go and live your life. All that freedom and you never even looked back.”

“That’s not fair,” I shot back. “I came back, didn’t I? I’m going to see her in Illinois.”

“Oh, now you’re going to see her?” Her laugh was bitter. “You haven’t been around, Katya. You think showing up now makes you some kind of hero?”

“I had school—”

“You had an excuse. You always do. While you were off building your perfect life, I was stuck. And now she’s in Illinois, acting like she wants a fresh start, but really? She just wants to be closer to you. Because she’s always wanted you, Katya. Even when you didn’t give a damn about her.”

“I do give a damn.”

“Sure.” Irina’s lips twisted. “You care when it’s convenient. When it makes you feel good about yourself. You’re visiting her now because she’s dying. Because it’ll look bad if you don’t. But where were you when she was losing her hair from chemo? When she couldn’t get out of bed for days? Where were you when I had to sell half her stuff just to pay for the damn treatments, because she didn’t have insurance that covered all? Her debts were piling up, the house was falling apart, and someone had to handle it. Someone had to work double shifts just to keep the lights on. You didn’t see any of that.”

“I didn’t know—”

“Because you didn’t ask. You just assumed I had it all handled. That I’d keep everything neat and pretty so you could drop in whenever you felt like being a good daughter.”

“That’s not true.” But even as I said it, I could feel the lie strangling me.

“It is true. You’re running off to Illinois now, but it’s not because you care. It’s because you’re trying to make yourself feel better. To prove you’re not the selfish, shallow person everyone thinks you are.”

“That’s not fair.”

“Life’s not fair, Katya. But you’ve always made sure it tilted in your favor, haven’t you? You never cared for anyone but yourself. Not when it mattered. So, don’t stand there and pretend you’re better than me.”

“What do you want from me, Irina?” I snapped, my anger overriding the guilt in my chest. “An apology? For not abandoning my life like you did?”

“No. I just want you to admit that you only came back because you couldn’t handle the guilt. Because you were scared of what people would think of you if you didn’t.”

“That’s not why.” But the words were hollow, even to me.

“Keep telling yourself that. But you’re not a savior. You’re just selfish. You always have been. And you know what, Katya? I didn’t fight you for it. I let you have it because I thought... I thought you needed it more.”

I swallowed hard, the words burning in my throat. “Well, congratulations. You’re free now, Irina. Free to fuck up your life however you want. Keep making excuses, and blaming everything else to justify this shitty thing you’re doing, but don’t expect me to be here to clean up the mess.”

“Don’t worry.” Irina’s smile was thin and spiteful. “You never really were.”

“You know what? Sometimes I really wish you weren’t my sister.”

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