Page 14 of Hell or High Water

“I can’t go anywhere on foot. What do you think I’m going to do?”

He finished putting on his second boot and shrugged. “Hell if I know. I just have to make sure you don’t do it.”

God! I wanted to groan in frustration. “Can you call Linc and ask if I can go alone? You don’t want to go, and I don’t want you to. My reason for going for a walk is to get out of the cabin, get fresh air, and get away from you. You don’t like me. I don’t like you. We could both use a break.”

He stood there, staring at me as if I were about to commit some felony with my coffee and banana in hand.

“Where’s your phone?” he asked.

“In the room.” Why did it matter?

“Go get it. Take it with you.”

“If I take it, then you’ll stay here?” I asked hopefully.

He nodded his head once.

Thank the Lord. I strode back to the room, stuck my banana under my arm to hold it, then snatched my cell up from the bedside table before returning to the living room. I held it up to show him as I passed by and then stuck it in my pocket.

“Am I good now?”

His eyes traveled down my body again, like they had yesterday when I came out of the room. It made my stomach feel funny, and I didn’t want to react that way. Not to him.

I was getting out of here. I didn’t wait for a response. When I opened the door, he said nothing, and I hurried out before he changed his mind.

With a sigh of relief, I went down the steps and stopped to take my first sip of coffee before scanning the sprawling acres around me. This land was beautiful. If it wasn’t for the warden living with me, then I’d enjoy staying here. Even if it wasn’t home. But after Momma had taken her last breath, I realized home had gone with her. Without her there, that house wasn’t home, and neither was Monroe. It was just all that I knew.

I decided to walk farther away from the cabin before finding a spot to sit and peel my banana. The breeze was cool, but spring was already here. Rarely did it take until the actual first day of spring for the South to feel warmer. By noon today, it would be in the mid-seventies. Perfect weather to stay outside. I might not have to see Than, except to get food and water.

There was a small hill that I headed for because whatever was on the other side of it couldn’t be seen from the house. Then I could sit and enjoy my morning without feeling as if I was under constant surveillance. Correction: judgmental surveillance.

Than Carver thought he knew me. He’d placed marks against me before ever meeting me.

He knew nothing. None of them did. They were friends of Jericho. They hadn’t been his unwanted child. The little girl who had looked forward to any attention he threw her way until, one day, she was old enough to realize how unimportant she was to him. That moment was forever etched in my memories.

It had been on my ninth birthday party.

He’d come to visit Momma. I understood now that was why he’d come around. It was never to see me. She mentioned my upcoming birthday, and he smiled at me. Back then, I soaked up any attention I could get from him. He asked me what I wanted, and all I could think of was to blurt out that I wanted him to be there. He had never been at one of my birthday parties. When he said he would come and bring the biggest present, I had been so overjoyed that I squealed and ran to hug him. Looking back, I realized it had been awkward. He’d patted my head, not hugged me in return.

I’d had friends at school whose fathers would pick them up in the afternoons. They’d be beaming with happy smiles at the sight of their children.

One girl had a tall, handsome dad who would always hold out his arms, and she’d go running into them.

Then he’d pick her up, swing her around while she giggled with glee, and ask her, “How was my princess’s day?”

My heart had literally ached for a father like that. But I had Jericho, and my momma was just another one of his affairs—not that I’d realized it at the time.

He hadn’t shown up for my special day. Although Momma had warned me several times that week not to expect that much from him, I had. I was going to have a dad at my party. Someone to show my friends. He’d have a big gift for me, and they would all see that I was special too.

Momma baked my favorite strawberry cake, and she set up games for us to play in the yard. I could see the apology in her eyes every time she looked at me. Which made it hard to keep from bursting into tears. I’d told all my friends that my dad was going to be there with the biggest gift. The humiliation of his not showing wasn’t the final straw. It was when he didn’t even call to explain or simply wish me a happy birthday.

When I lay in bed that night, I listened as Momma yelled at someone on the phone, and although I couldn’t hear what she was saying in the distance with the door muffling the sound, I knew. She was yelling at Jericho.

That was the last time I’d wished for a father.

Shoving all those thoughts aside to think of something else, I crested the hill and stopped as I looked out at a stable up ahead. Moving closer, I searched for any sign of someone else, but only found a horse. A bluish-gray horse with a mane and tail as black as coal. I checked the acres and acres of fenced-in land that I could see, but the horse appeared to be alone.

The closer I got to it, the more stunning it was. Not wanting to upset it or cause a problem, I stopped several feet away and found a grassy spot to sit down. The horse and I stared at each other as I peeled my banana. I wondered if it was male or female and what its name was. I wouldn’t be asking Than. That would require talking to him.

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