Page 92 of Kisses and Paperclips

Heavy. Final.

Every footstep echoed like blame.

I should’ve seen it.

I should’ve known.

But I’d been so tangled up in everything else. Holding this business together with twine and prayer. Letting myself feel too much where Julien was concerned. Daring to want something soft, something just for me, and now…

Now my baby brother was burning up in my arms, and I hadn’t even noticed.

Not until it was too late.

And maybe they failed him. Maybe they did what institutions always do—looked past him. Labeled him. Missed the signs.

But I missed them too.

And that’s the part I don’t know how to forgive.

Because I’m not just his sister.

I’m his shelter. The only thing in this world standing between him and everything that wants to swallow him whole. The closest thing he has to a mother, and I can’t let him down.

Right now, I don’t feel like enough.

???

Three days.

That’s all I gave myself.

Three days where the world shrank down to what mattered most, my baby brother, burning up under too many blankets and still trying to act like everything was fine.

I simmered bone broth on the stove, the scent curling through the apartment like memory.

Mama used to make her chicken soup the same way: slow and steady, full of love and garlic.

I’m glad she taught me.

Sometimes the smell alone is enough to hold me together.

Zamir drifted in and out of sleep, half-watching anime reruns with glazed eyes.

I sat beside him, holding ice packs to his neck, changing sweat-soaked tees, whispering little prayers into the crown of his curls.

I muted every call.

Ignored every “urgent” notification lighting up my phone like I was on someone else’s clock.

I didn’t care.

Maybe I was holding my breath.

Maybe I just wanted everything to stop spinning for a second.

But the quiet?

It was a lie.

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