Page 12 of Hartley

I swallowed thickly, trying to force down the rise of that damn lump in my throat. “It’s not that easy.”

“No, I imagine it isn’t. But you’re getting better. You’ve relaxed more with them.”

“And you don’t see a problem with that?”

Jordan sighed. “I get that this is an old conversation. You can’t show that you’re soft. You do realize you’re not telling the general population, right? At some point, let the fuck go and trust us.”

Taking my cup of coffee, I walked into the living room, expecting him to follow me, which he did. I sat down and took a hefty swig, letting the alcohol blaze a caffeine laden path down my throat.

Tahoe walked over to sit next to my feet so I could scratch his head. The dog was spoiled. There was always someone with him. On the days when the three of us weren’t here and none of the regular guards were in the home, Barry usually took Tahoe to work with him. Tahoe was getting to know everyone in the building. There was an ever-growing pile of new toys for him to play with. The damn dog had more people in his affection than Vail did, and that was saying something.

The dog laid down, grabbing a plush red heart that had a smiley face on it. Tahoe kept it in his mouth as he rolled ontohis back, exposing his stomach for me to scratch. I did. Briefly.

“See,” my son said, sitting next to me. “Tahoe knows you’re a good man. Animals can sense a lot about people. He likes you.”

“Lovely. Just what I need. A dog who recognizes how fucking soft I am.”

“God, you need to stop. No one gives a shit if you’re soft when you’re at home. Hell, you’re a better boss for it. Having compassion and understanding isn’t a bad thing. Haven’t you figured out the more you connect with them, the more loyal they’ll be to you? Barry would follow you to hell and back.”

“Barry has proven his loyalty time and again.”

“Right, but if you constantly treated him like shit, he wouldn’t stay. I don’t care how good the money is. There’s only so much a person can take before they can’t handle it anymore. You’ve been nicer to your guards. Showing them you appreciate them. That’s a good thing.”

“Well, why don’t I hire a plane to fly a banner over East Dremest to tell the city how fucking amazing I am, like I’m advertising a seafood buffet in a damn shore town?”

Jordan’s face relaxed. “Not once have I ever gone to a restaurant because I saw it on one of those.”

“When was the last time you were on a beach?”

“Didn’t you hear? Dex bought a house in Bethany Beach.”

Just what I needed, to worry about my son traveling to Delaware with his partners regularly over the spring and summer months.

“We’re fine,” he said. My son knew me well. It was also a sign I was slacking. I should have known they were going down there, but with Dexen and Greer having my son’s back, I didn’t feel the need to have a guard on him. Jordan didn’twant it, and I was trying to give him as much freedom as possible. It didn’t matter how old he was, he was still my blood, and I needed him safe.

He was when he was at work. He was when he was at home. There were always people ready to protect him.

“Listen,” Jordan said, putting his hand on mine. I glanced down, wondering what the fuck was going on, but let it be. “You don’t need to feel guilt any longer for what happened between us. You don’t need to hold that inside, thinking you fucked me up beyond belief. Was it shitty? Yeah, it was, but more so because you lied to me. Think of how things would have been different if I knew the truth as I grew up. I understand why you did it though. There’s something noble in that. You might not love openly, but you do love me. And you know what? I fucking love you too.”

I sat there, staring at my son, not sure what to say. There was no fighting the tears that sprang to my eyes. No fighting the slight tremble to my bottom lip. I’d never heard those words from him. When he was little, he’d tell his mother he loved her, but not me. I wasn’t who he needed.

Yet there I sat, Jordan’s words sinking into my heart, growing roots, and nestling in for the long haul. He loved me. My son fucking loved me.

“I do love you,” I whispered as a tear slid down my cheek.

“I know.” Jordan pulled me in for a hug. “You won’t change overnight and I’m not asking you to, but you can trust me. You can trust Greer and Dex too, okay?”

I nodded, unable to speak without crying more.

Fucking tears. This was some serious bullshit, especially since I couldn’t stop them as another broke free. Goddammit.

Jordan patted my back before releasing me. Tahoe had gotten up during our emotional moment and was now sittingon the floor, staring at us with that damn plush heart in his mouth. Jordan took it from him and threw it up the hallway. Tahoe raced after it, skidding a bit on the marble as he did so.

The guilt wouldn’t lift from my shoulders just because my son said I didn’t need to feel it, but I was lighter than before he came in. If I started hugging my guards, we were going to have a talk. Or if I randomly started crying. There were lines I wouldn’t cross.

Turning, I found Raiden standing where he usually was by the elevator, his eyes straight ahead.

“Not a fucking word,” I growled.

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