Page 38 of Just A Little Fling

I preened and popped out my chest at his words of praise. With my hand firmly in his, Babbo led me through the house and back up the stairs toward his bedroom. He pushed open the door and walked to an enormous chair in the corner. It was upholstered in a deep blue chenille fabric with a matching ottoman. He pulled me onto his lap and arranged me across his knees. I immediately snuggled underneath his chin while he wrapped his arms around me and held me tight.

“I do my best thinking in this chair, so I figured it would work for conversations too.”

I nodded against his shoulder but didn’t say anything.

“It seems like you’re having trouble with this topic, right?”

I nodded once again against his shoulder. He tightened his hold, and I felt ridiculously secure and warm in his arms. They anchored me.

“So I was thinking that maybe I can put into words what I’m thinking about the situation and then you let me know if you’re on the same page. That work for you, Sweet Boy?”

“Yeah.”

“I know I told you I usually play with middles, but that doesn’t mean I have any objections to playing with a little. Whatever you need to be—I want to be that Daddy for you. If you’re little, that’s okay. If you’re middle, that’s fine. If you’re some combination, still cool.”

“And you don’t think I tricked you?”

“I don’t understand why you think it’s tricking me. It’s not like you lied about something. You didn’t know, so it can’t be a lie. I don’t understand why you think I’d be bothered about you being more little than you thought. Can you explain that to me?”

“It’s just ’cause you said you play with middles, and then I wasn’t one suddenly. Maybe you were being nice ’cause I was in your house and you didn’t know how to get rid of me.”

Babbo’s arms tightened around me even more. I felt squished, but in the best way, like a warm, weighted blanket. It was exhilarating and amazing and scary as shit. He was making me think all sorts of things that didn’t make sense in my world, but I wasn’t ready to get off the merry-go-round. I liked the dizziness.

“I absolutely don’t want to get rid of you, and I know people who know a shit-ton more about littles than I do. If I truly wanted to figure out how to get you out of my house, I could’ve called one of them for help. Can I tell you a secret?” I nodded against his shoulder. “I really liked taking care of you yesterday.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, I liked it a lot, and I hope you’ll let me do it again.”

Now was the moment of truth. I needed to tell him how much I wasn’t commitment material. I knew to my soul that Babbo was an all-in kind of guy. We hadn’t actually talked too much about it, but I knew he wasn’t one for clubs and blowjobs in the restroom with random strangers. It wasn’t who he was, but it was me. I didn’t know how to be anyone else, and I wasn’t entirely convinced I wanted to be. Granted, the other day, it hadn’t worked out for me, but it could have been an off night. It’s not like everything about yourself could change just because you met someone.

“I told you in the beginning that I wanted a good time. That hasn’t changed.” I held my breath at what, I hoped, wasn’t a lie.

“You’ve always been clear about that. Sweet Boy, I’m not gonna lie and say I’ve ever had a fully and completely casual relationship, but maybe it’s time for me to try new things.”

“You’re not saying that just because it’s what I want?” My ego was getting out of hand, but I wasn’t cool about pushing Babbo into doing something solely because I wanted it.

“You are definitely a part of it because I enjoy what we do, but you’re not the entire reason. I went to that Christmas party because I had literally nothing else to do. Absolutely nothing. Owen was the person I hung out with the most, and obviously, he’s now busy with Barrett, as he should be. When I was with my ex, I sort of let all my other friendships drift away, and when we broke up, there was no one left around me, no one to return to. I realized I’d created this isolated life.” I started to rise, but Babbo’s arms tightened around me. “Relax, we’ve been broken up for close to a year. We were together for three years and never even lived together. No one is pining here.”

I settled back against Babbo to ask my next question. “I don’t want to get in your business, but was he into all this?”

Babbo’s response was a rueful chuckle. “He was absolutely not into this, but he didn’t mind if I went down to the club and had a scene or two to get it out of my system.”

“So it was an open relationship?”

“Open-ish. It was more of a ‘Don’t ask. Don’t tell’ situation. He wanted to know nothing about it and was explicit about that, but it was also his idea for me to go.”

“Did you take advantage of his offer?”

“In the beginning, yes. Toward the end, very infrequently. I didn’t want to be with someone else. I wanted to be with my boyfriend and share all parts of everything with each other. But he wasn’t into it, and it’s not something you can fake for long or well. It got to the point where I would rather do without than do it without him. And then we politely split up.” When he finished his explanation, Babbo fell into a contemplative silence.

I didn’t want to presume that I knew more about what he wanted out of his life than he did, but I was giddy at the possibility that he might be open to a…situationship. I wasn’t ready to give up my independence wholesale, but I also enjoyed being with him.

When Babbo was around, he soothed my frayed edges and allowed me to exist. I wasn’t required to be uber-confident or appropriately accomplished for my family. This weekend, he’d let me be the part of myself who wanted to play with earthworms, color pretty pictures, and watch silly movies. He let me be someone who existed without feeling like I had to be doing something more to prove myself to somebody.

“Where does that leave us?” I asked.

“I hope where that leaves us is enjoying each other’s company, agreeing not to be weird about the landlord situation, and having a lot more sex.”

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