Page 6 of Lance & Clayton

"Exactly." I nodded. "So you're fine with people knowing about us? I was under the impression that you're still in the closet, which is totally fine. You're ready to tell people when you feel like it. There's no point in rushing things and regretting later."

"My family is quite homophobic and it's caused me great distress. I mean, my sister accepts me for who I am, but not my parents. And my aunt…"

I rubbed his thigh when he began to get teary-eyed. "It's alright, bright eyes. We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

He shook his head and took my hand, a tear running down his cheek. "I'm sorry I'm being silly. It's just that my aunt passed away a month ago and we were very close. She was the only one who knew I was gay, until I told my sister that is. She was so open-minded and kind. I remember calling her 'mom' as a kid because I thought she was my mother. We all lived together back then."

"I’m sorry for your loss." I rubbed his back and kissed his head. "What was it, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Cancer. It made her suffer a lot. Bad things happen to good people and I just don't understand why."

Another tear rolled down his cheek and watching him cry made me teary-eyed. Watching the sadness in his eyes at the club had created a strong urge in me to ensure I never see him sad again. But here he was, tears in his eyes and I couldn't help but feel that I had failed. Instead of giving up, it only made me want to try harder. I had made up my mind to do everything in my power to make sure he was happy and that I was the reason for it.

"Cancer sucks." I looked him in the eyes and scooted closer, wrapping an arm around him. "When I was a kid, my mom had cancer too. It was too much for my father to handle, so he left when she needed him the most. She screamed in pain each night while I sat with her, trying to comfort her. She passed away soon after."

I never thought I'd be opening up to someone so easily. My mother's death was so personal I'd never told it to anyone apart from John.

When he pulled me in for a hug, I could feel his warm breath on my chest. "That must've been so hard for you. I can only imagine what that does to a child."

I shrugged. "Maybe that is why I have a hard time believing in relationships and marriages. But you've single-handedly changed that belief. You give me hope, Clayton. Hope that I can be happy in a relationship, that I don't need to be scared of commitment anymore."

"Me?" He said, blinking slowly. "I didn't do anything. You did it all by yourself."

I sighed and took his hand. "I miss my mom. I wish she could see me now. I wish she was alive."

"You know, people die twice. The second time is when someone remembers them for the last time. So make sure you talk about her and keep her memory alive. Besides, we're all made of star-stuff. Nobody really dies. Matter can neither be created nor destroyed. We just change from one arrangement of molecules to another."

"So you're into science stuff, huh? I bet you know a lot of cool facts. I can't wait to hear them all."

"I can name all the dinosaurs that ever existed." His chest swelled with pride as he looked up at me. "I absolutely love them. People think they're scary but I find them adorable, especially the herbivores and the ones that fly."

I tried to contain my smile. No wonder he was into dinosaurs. My boy was a Little through and through. I found it cute how he couldn't hide his Littleness even if he tried. Every Little I knew was obsessed with one animal or another. I never understood what it was about animals that piqued their curiosity but I found it absolutely adorable. I made a mental note to gift him all things dinosaurs, if he ever told me about his Littleness that is. He might be scared I would react badly, so I'd have to give him hints that I had nothing against Littles, that I found them cute.

"So you want to be a paleontologist then?" I asked. "What do you study?"

He shook his head. "I'm not sure what I want to be. I've always been good at math and science in school, but I haven't decided on a career yet. Science and dinosaurs are just hobbies. I've spent enough time studying, but now I want to get some real-life experience before I go back to studying. I work two jobs but they give me the freedom to work whenever I want. What do you do for a living?"

"I own a few businesses but I work from home most of the time," I said. "My next venture is opening up a restaurant, but I haven't decided what kind yet."

"Ooh, a restaurant." He beamed and licked his lips. "I've worked at a restaurant before. The best part was the free food."

I chuckled. "You don't even have to work at my restaurant to get free food. I'd give it to you just for looking so cute."

His cheeks turned red and he giggled before pulling himself together. I wished he didn't have to hide his true self from me. His Littleness was begging to come out but he wasn't letting it.

Chapter 5: Clayton

I was glad I had packed some of my Little things in the bag with me, things which were supposed to give me courage for going on a date with someone who was meant to be a stranger. Only that Lance didn't feel like a stranger. I felt comfortable enough around him that my usual fear of strangers didn't apply to Lance. It felt like I'd known him forever, maybe because we had such a great connection back at the club.

I brought things like a pacifier, a sippy cup, a diaper, a dinosaur-themed coloring book, some crayons, and my favorite storybook about a dinosaur who lost his mom.

Now I scooted closer to Lance, letting him wrap an arm around me while my cheeks turned redder. "So I've been conflicted about telling you something, Lance. It's been on my mind ever since we met at the club. I've been terrified and I don't want to feel that way anymore, terrified over how you might react."

"Aw, there's nothing to be terrified about, bright eyes." He leaned in for a kiss on the cheek, turning my head to look him in the eyes. "Look at this handsome face of mine. Does it look like it could ever turn mad at someone as nice as you?"

I giggled and shook my head. "No, it doesn't. But you haven't heard what I have to say yet."

He waved a hand nonchalantly in the air. "Pish posh, sweetheart. It doesn't matter what you have to tell me. There's nothing you can say that's going to change how I feel about you. Do you know how I feel?"

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