Page 2 of Spades

Dinah furrows her brow. “Concerned about one of your patients?”

“No more concerned than normal.” I rub at the back of my neck. “Just… I guess I didn’t get a whole lot of sleep last night.”

That’s a lie. I got eight hours. The same I get every night. In bed by ten, wake up at six. Like clockwork. I don’t even have to set an alarm.

Dinah raises an eyebrow. “That’s a rarity for you, Liss. Something on your mind?”

I shake my head. “Nothing at all. I just zoned out.” I bite my lip. “You know how it can be here. It hasn’t been a particularly exciting day.”

Dinah smirks. “I’ll take that as a good thing. No one has died.”

“Well of course I’m happy aboutthat, Di.” I roll my eyes. “But it’s just… Do you ever wonder if you chose the right path? If maybe you should have taken a risk, tried something that wasn’t a guarantee?”

“Nursing is hardly a guarantee,” Dinah says. “You know that just as well as I do. It’s a tough job on the best day. When someone comes here, it might be the worst day of their life. The worst day of their family’s life. And we do what we can to help them. It’s what we do.”

“The doctors help them,” I say. “We just fill out paperwork and give shots.”

Dinah cocks her head. “Nurses are the backbone of any hospital. Without us, the doctors wouldn’t be able to do their jobs.”

I look into Dinah’s eyes, really look into them. “When did you know that this was what you wanted to do? Like, did you receive some kind of sign, have some sort of experience?”

Dinah smiles. “You know I was born in Vietnam. Moved here with my parents when I was three.”

“Yes, I’m aware.”

“My dad picked up some bug on the journey over. It hit right as we got to the States. He ended up going to the doctor. He had to take me with him because Mom was out looking for a job. I remember seeing all the pretty ladies in nurse uniforms. They gave him medicine and made him better.”

“And you wanted to do that for other people.”

Dinah nods. “I wanted to heal. Breathe life back into people who are racked with pain. Figure out what was wrong with them and give them a magical pill to make them better, just like they did with my dad.”

“Why didn’t you become a doctor, then?”

She chuckles. “Like I said. The nurses do all the real work. When I went to the doctor with Dad, the nurses were the ones who talked to him, administered medication. The doctor just came by for two minutes and looked over all the work they did. Even at just three years old, I could tell who helped my dad the most.”

I close my eyes, take a deep breath in, and sigh it out. When I open my eyes, Dinah is still smiling. “I’m so glad you found your calling, Dinah.”

She grabs my hand, squeezes it. “And I’m glad you found yours, Liss.”

I smile at her, but I don’t mean it.

Because Dinah… She did find her calling. There’s no doubt about it.

But I’m not so sure I found mine.

* * *

Winters in Chicago are brutal.Especially when you’re close to the lake, which I am. A good blast of frosty wind will find its way through multiple layers of coats, sweaters, and scarves.

I walk five blocks east to the L, take the Red Line north to Uptown. Ten stops. I get off and start to head to my apartment.

And something stops me.

I’ve lived in this neighborhood for a few years now, and I’ve only ever seen what exists between the train stop and my apartment. A few restaurants, a coffee shop, and my hairdresser are all on the straight line I walk on the final stretch of my evening commute. There’s a CVS and a grocery store, too. Everything I need is in this small half-mile walk, and I’ve never seen fit to diverge from it.

But tonight of all nights, despite the chill of the wind and the patches of snow on the ground, I do something different.

A block before I hit the street I live on, I turn left. Then right. Another left. Another left. I zigzag for a mile or so, just seeing what’s in the area.

---