Page 106 of Butterfly

Teddy’s nostrils flared as he finally moved his legs underneath the table. He checked the officer behind him, then looked at Ollie before averting his gaze.

Ollie shook his head in disbelief. “I read about you,” he whispered.

Teddy bowed over as if winded.

“I read about why you’re in here. I didn’t. For a long time, I didn’t. I had this idea of how things had gone down that day. It was horrible, of course it was. You killed four people, but you tried to stop it, you tried to save them but couldn’t, and you cried, and you sobbed and you begged God to forgive you.”

Teddy opened the dictionary, but Ollie pressed his hand down on top.

“That’s not what I read, though. I read about a man, a jealous coward of a man, who killed his friend, or was it hisboyfriend?”

Teddy’s eyes widened.

“You threw gasoline over his caravan in the middle of the night,knowingthere were others inside. You set it alight, then you ran away and hid.”

Teddy closed his eyes. He began rocking back and forth in his chair.

Ollie kept his hand over the dictionary and leaned closer so no one could overhear.

“And I don’t believe it.”

Teddy froze. He slowly opened his eyes.

“I don’t believe it,” Ollie doubled down. “It doesn’t matter how many different reports I read; I won’t believe it. My Teddy didn’t do that. And the Teddy you told me about before you were mine, the one who loved his sister so much he painted the caravan purple for her, who carried his father home in a wheelbarrow after he’d passed out drunk in a pub, who helped his mother cook dinner every night even if she did accidentally set fire to his hair, which he blamed his premature baldness on… He is not that monster either.”

Ollie exhaled a slow breath and sat back in his chair. “Maybe you kept the darkness from me. Maybe you never told me stories where you were jealous or manipulative or spilling over with hatred, but I never saw it. Not even a flicker of it when you reminisced. I know hatred. I know evil thoughts. They consume everything. They taint every memory. And I’m supposed to believe that, out of nowhere, you lost yourself to them?”

Teddy’s eyes were wide. He didn’t look away from Ollie.

“Gasoline? Really? You wouldn’t do that.” Ollie shook his head. “The middle of the night when you knew Gary wasn’t the only one sleeping inside that caravan. No fucking way. You can’t speak, but your eyes have always said so much. I knew there was something hidden in them. I don’t knowwhat, but it’s there even now. I don’t know why you said you did it; I don’t know why you pleaded guilty, but I’ll never believe it.”

Teddy kept staring. It hurt that Ollie couldn’t read his expression.

“But none of that matters. You want to cut me out, then fine, but why bring me here now when I’m finally strong enough to let go?”

Ollie glanced at the dictionary. Teddy picked it up and began flicking through it.

“And don’t lie. You don’t need to. I’ve already said goodbye.”

Teddy paused. He pressed the dictionary down on the table so they could both see.

I…

Ollie glared as Teddy flicked through the pages.

Love—

“No.” Ollie slapped his hand over Teddy’s. “Don’t you dare.”

Teddy’s bottom lip trembled. There were tears in his eyes. Ollie’s burned just looking at him. “I’ve sent you letter after letter. You knew how I felt about you. You said it was born out of circumstance, but what love isn’t? You waited… You made sure it wasn’tjustsex. You made me feel it. Why would you do that if you always planned to abandon me?”

Teddy shook his head.

“I didn’t stop loving you when I left Hollybrook. I’m not going to stop, but I need to say goodbye because you won’t let me have you. You won’t let this be more than me sending letters and you ignoring them. I can’t live like that, Teddy. It’s not fair. Do…do you even read them?”

Teddy nodded. He moved the dictionary out from beneath Ollie’s hand.

Ollie hesitated, then sank back into his chair to let Teddy have his words.

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