Page 66 of Rat

“I haven’t been sleeping well.”

Captain sat down opposite. “Even without me screaming the place down?”

“Yeah, well… Looks like I’m going through a bout of insomnia.”

Rory didn’t add that it was horny-induced insomnia. At any point during the night, Sebastian could toy with the Vaseline pot, and it didn’t matter if Rory was exhausted or if he was deep in the mists of sleep, he stirred and woke up hard and needy.

Sometimes Sebastian stayed beneath the bed, and they got themselves off at the same time, and other times he got up and he was waiting by the bed, having pulled back Rory’s sheet to watch him get hard. On those nights, Rory didn’t protestSebastian watching, in fact, it turned him on to have Sebastian beside him, looking on with dark eyes.

“How are you sleeping?” Rory asked.

Captain shrugged. “I sleep.” He sighed. “But during the day, I don’t quite feel myself.”

“How do you feel?”

“Hazy, like I’m all soft around the edges, and I’m forgetful too.”

Rory frowned. “That doesn’t sound good.”

“It’s one or the other—I don’t take them, and my mind destroys itself or I do take them, and I’m detached from myself and feel…wrong.”

“There’s a third option.”

Captain frowned. “Which is?”

“You could go see the therapist again.”

“I can’t.”

“It was months ago now. Explain how you didn’t mean to get angry, but his questions felt invasive, and you’ll—”

“I could do that. I could say sorry and swear that I’ll not do it again, but that would be a lie. I don’t know how I’m going to react. I can’t promise I won’t shout, or scream, or break down in tears.”

“Did you… Did you feel like hurting him?”

Captain flung himself back and gawped. “No, of course not.”

“Sorry, I wondered, that’s all.”

“I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me feel good, making him back off, making him go all wide-eyed and scared. It felt good in that moment to punish him for prying, but now…”

“Make another appointment,” Rory said softly. “You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to. You could go there and just apologize, and then you’ll stop feeling this guilt.”

Captain scrunched up his face as if he was in pain, then nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

He got to his feet. “I’ll see if I can sort out an appointment now.”

As soon as Captain walked away, Ollie slid into his seat.

“Where’s he going?”

“To make an appointment with the therapist.”

“Why?” Ollie folded his arms. “He’s stopped screaming now.”

“Only because of the medication.”

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