Page 70 of Three for a Girl

Chad’s heart jumped to his throat. “No fucking way.”

Keeley smiled. “Despite all the pain you suffered, emotionally and physically, you wouldn’t take it?”

“I’d lose the pain, the humiliation, the helplessness—and god, how that hurts, but I’d lose him, too.”

“Romeo?”

“I can’t lose him. I know it’swrong, and I know no one understands it, but I love him.”

Keeley stopped scribbling on her notepad and looked up. “You loved him?”

Chad stared straight into her eyes, “I still love him, he made me feel real in a way no one else has. He made me feel worth something outside of my job. Me as Chad, broken, but in his eyes complete.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“I know,” he laughed, “But no therapy will ever get me to stop loving him and I don’t care if you think that’s messed up, because it’s not. He’s messed up, I’m a little messed up, but our love’s not. It’s the realist thing I’ve ever had because I didn’t have to pretend.”

“Pretend what?”

“That I was normal.” Chad laughed. It hurt, but the pain made him laugh harder.

“Why are you laughing?”

“I want so badly to get back to being normal when I wasn’t normal in the first place. I don’t even know what it is.”

“What do you think it is?”

Chad shrugged. “I just know the rest of the kids at school didn’t have leery men visiting their houses every night. They didn’t have to search through garbage when they were starving. They didn’t shiver all through the night in the winter. They didn’t rely on a dog for companionship, and love. They made sure I knew I was different, I was odd, an outcast.”

“Kids can be cruel.”

“So can adults. It happened again when I was accused of being a killer. My life is something to be ashamed of, it’s suspicious that someone like me could work my way up to be a detective. I’m not to be trusted. That’s what everyone was saying, that’s what they’re still saying.”

“No—”

“They are, I hear it in their whispers, see it in their eyes.”

“It’s paranoia talking.”

“Romeo saw me, the real broken me, and he didn’t judge any of it. He saw deeper, he saw how I was living a lie, convincing myself I was wrong for being different, and it was a game to him, breaking me down, but he wanted to knowme.”

“You think no one else will understand you like he did?”

“Those eight weeks on the farm with him was the most alive I’ve felt. It was terrifying, still is when I think about it, but beneath that fear, there’s invigoration, adoration—and that’s even more terrifying.”

“Why?”

Keeley tilted her head, and Chad looked at her, head on, unblinking.

“Because I don’t just love Romeo, I love the monster, too.”

“The monster?”

“The dark part of Romeo’s mind. If it wasn’t there, he wouldn’t have saved me. If it wasn’t there, I’d never have met him. If it wasn’t there, I wouldn’t have seen how beautiful he looks when he lets it out.”

“I don’t understand.”

He looked out of the window. “Do you think tigers are beautiful?”

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